Its a new year as 1985 rolls around. Puffin are crying out for more books. I can only imagine Ian's fingers are just bloody stumps from all the typing. But things take an interesting twist. A twenty four year old man from Australia has just finished reading his little brothers new book. It is a gamebook called Warlock of Firetop Mountain. Andrew's creative juices start flowing. Believing that the authors have fantasy cornered he comes up with a plan for a Sci Fi version. This is the first draft of Space Assassin. It is not designed to be Fighting Fantasy but its own unique thing and he sends it off to Puffin for a look and I believe they send it to Puffin UK where it ends up on the desk of Philippa Dickinson, the godmother of Fighting Fantasy publishing at Puffin.
No doubt under pressure to keep churning these popular books out at an unprecedented rate she calls Ian.
Phone rings and Ian picks up
"Hello, Ian speaking"
"Ian its Philippa"
"Philippa please, I promise the doctors said I need to stop typing so much. My fingerprints are gone and my index figure has been reduced to a stub. The next book will be ready as soon as possible, I promise, please don't send the boys around again."
"Ian, before you start..."
"My knee has not recovered from their last visit, but honestly when I get more ink for the typewriter.."
"Ian calm down! Besides the boys are busy visiting Roald Dahl. I was going to say I have some fan fiction that we might be able to use this month for a new Fighting Fantasy."
"Really, fan fiction?"
"Yep, its a bit different but we can change it to Fighting Fantasy no problem, only thing is its set in Space."
"Oh god no, do you not remember Starship Traveler?!"
"Hmm yes, and this one is also a bit short. But unless you have another book ready to go?"
"Erm ok, I am sure it was just a one off. Throw in a puzzle to take it up to 400 and it will be fine."
"I am glad you agree Ian, ill talk to you next month, I trust it will be ready.."
Phone hangs up.
But yep, according to the man himself he went and wrote a sci fi gamebook and sent it off and then proceeded to have zero control over the content which included a puzzle being in the game that was a surprise to him. It also was written with a different system in mind but retro fitted to be Fighting Fantasy. Again no memories of playing this one but always keen to see what a new author is bringing to the table. I am worried about it being sci-fi though.
Covers -
I actually like this cover. Some futuristic security guards blatantly not doing their job and watching sports instead. My question is why do all dystopian sports have spikes? If anything sport is getting softer! Look at football. You used to be able to put in proper tackles but these days players fall over at a gust of wind. Can you imagine throwing in some spikes for Neymar? He would faint!
If anything the sport they will be watching wont involve any contact and the ball would be made of sponge for safety reasons.
No reprints of this one (which I think is worrying) and its straight onto the US cover. They have gone for a black background for a change which helps the whole space aesthetic. Looks like its an exo-suit from the Alien films except with a gun. But why is there a pool with a tentacle monster in space? And that drone in the background is shooting out electricity! That close to water is very dangerous, HSE aboard the spaceship will be calling!
Premise -
So the system of Od is ruled by a tyrannical scientist by the name of Cyrus. He has a penchant for being a bit of a dick. For some reason he sends robots and mutants to harass your world. No mention of what form this harassment takes. I will imagine that they are really annoying door to door salesmen and telemarketers.
The worst of old Cyrus's crimes though is the kidnapping. It is believed that they are taken away for him to experiment on and are never seen again. However we do not have any evidence of this and it could easily be a case of wild speculation in the local pub.
Everyone though seemed ok with this, so no one important must have been taken. But things have taken a turn. Word has reached us that his next experiment will be to destroy our planet. Covering the planet in radioactive isotopes and showering the planet with deadly viruses. This sounds less like an experiment and more like genocide.
The powers that be decide that the best way to deal with this is contact the local assassins guild and put a hit on Cyrus. Well actually its not a hit. We have to go on board his starship, the Vandervecken, and capture him and bring him to justice.
The guild pimp me out in the latest weapons and pressure armor to deal with this. Why me you ask, well because I am a master of 27 human and alien martial arts! Hopefully the alien ones translate well to someone with two arms and two legs. I set off to save the planet and find the Vandervecken in a nearby star system and smuggle myself onto its supply shuttle on the planet its visiting.
This Mission Briefing as its called (nice touch) is less thank two pages. Which is disappointing to be honest but what we do get is really good and quite excited about this.
Playthrough -
So we do get the usual Skill, Stamina and Luck but we also have some extras to looks at! The first one is armour which can help protect from gunfire. Its a 1d6 roll plus 6 and works just like testing your luck. If you pass it protects you but its -1 to the total every time you test.
We also get a shopping list for equipment -
Electric Lash - 1 (a gun that takes off the standard 2 stamina each time it hits)
Assault Blaster - 3 (takes off 1d6 of stamina with each hit)
Grenade - 1 (throw before fight and 1d6 stamina off everyone)
Gravity Bomb - 3 (a mental sounding mini black hole bomb)
Extra Armour -.5 (add 1 to your armour score)
You get 1d6 to spend and must take at least the Lash or Blaster for a gun.
Rules for gunfire combat are different as well compared to hand to hand. When I fire I need to roll equal or less than my skill score to score a hit. The book though when it fires back must roll less than the skill, equal is a miss, so it is slightly weighted in the players favor.
Finally we get space provisions which are called Energizer Tablets. These drugs perfectly replicate the healing powers of a corned beef sandwich. In fact they are slightly better in that they restore 5 stamina. But you only start with four! Come on now I had 10 full meals in my backpack before and in the future I only need little tablets and only have 4 of them! I guess none of my martial arts involve wearing a back back. In other walkthroughs I have read though people call them pep pills but energizer tablets in my book which is the dragon cover.
A whole barrage of new stuff though and they sound really good, can't wait to try the gun battle out.
Skill - 9
Stamina - 22
Luck - 9
Armour - 9
That was a lot of 3's rolled. Pretty average but not terrible. Stamina is good which is great for the playthrough lasting a bit longer!
I roll a 6 for my equipment. Great news that the Assassins Guild are sparing no expense. Quite right as if it goes wrong we are all dead.
I decide to go for the Assault Blaster, a couple of grenades and 2 extra points of armour to take it to 11. Lots of rolling involved in the Sci-Fi books so far but its still a lot less than Starship Traveler.
In my book the equipment section says 3 bars, 3 bars of what!? With this question unanswered we start our adventure.
The Vandervecken is pretty bad ass. Already a massive step up from the art in Starship Traveler.
So I throw myself out of the shuttles airlock just before it docks and I use a clamp to attach myself to the Vandervecke's hull. I quickly locate an airlock and make it inside the massive starship. No doubt in a location as far away from Cyrus as its possible to be.
In the hanger I get the options of using a gravity bomb on the security door or a basic left and right choice through the vents. Or the very tempting option to rummage through a pile of refuge. Page 1 and you get an option to go through the rubbish.
I decide to have a look in the rubbish, why not!
My arrival on the Vandervecken
A quick rummage reveals that its a dead alien creature.
I feel bad that I thought this guy was a pile of rubbish.
The trail of blood shows he/she crawled out of the right hand tunnel. He has an electronic device on its person so I pick it up. Looks like some kind of bomb but its missing some pieces. Not sure what to call it on my items list. I go for dead aliens bomb kit. The book tells me I put it in my pack! I do have a pack! How big are these energizer tablets!?
Since the right vent did not go well for our dead friend I opt to go left. I make a right mess of opening it but a test of luck means I miss the cables electrocuting me. Its blocked so I have to go in the right hand one. I come to another hatch and hear a gurgling sound on the other side.
Id like to think I also spent hours hiding here.
I appear in some kind of prison block which is guarded by a Robot with a blaster. I can engage in conversation, sneak off or fight. I really want to have a go and gun battle so immediately I go for that. Its at this point I remember how terrible I am at first person shooters and it takes me three goes to shoot the robot. Luckily he is also terrible and only hits me once but it just pings off my armour. I then get the option to pick up his Assault Blaster.....sh*t I could have got the gravity bomb!
Investigating the gurgling sound, its an old man in bad shape but I free him and he is very thankful. He imparts some wisdom about the robot pilot and that if he asks me about feeling just say I don't know. Fair enough, lets check the other cell.
Gizmo? Is that you?
This cute little fur ball is in fact an Imp which bites me and causes me to lose another point of armour. I leave the prison block and continue down the corridor. The next door is described to be hot. I decide thats probably some engine room and not where I would find Cyrus so continue on. I walk on for some time and arrive at a t-junction but also a door that says extreme danger, enter only with authority. Well that sounds bad so I head left.
I know this feeling
This poor man is getting into trouble from his boss Cyrus. Apparently the command robot on the bridge has developed feelings (interesting we have a take on AI) and Cyrus is blaming him for it as he is the head tech for the robots. He has been ordered to shut him down as the robot has figured out Cyrus is a maniac. The man is in a pickle though as he would consider that murder. I just go along with him and make friends and he gives me a keycard for the door.
Next I arrive in a robot repair room. They are all docile and I end up with a large simpering tool which means I can only carry two additional items. At the moment I only have one so I decided to take it for just now.
This is reminding me a lot of warlocks layout. A lot of corridors and hatches instead of doors. I worry about missing items so at the moment opening them all.
Which turns out to be a mistake.
This razor whirls at me but in good news I was clay pigeon shooting at the weekend and I wasn't terrible. I one shot the razor out of the air. I find a combat suit which I put on and it raises my armour to 14, but only then does it tell me its bulky so reduce skill by 1! Wish I knew that before, can I change back? Nope on I go.
The next area leads to what must be a Fighting Fantasy record with eight (yes 8) enemies. These portabots all have skill 7, stamina 2. I get the option to lob a grenade. Yes, yes thanks ill do just that since the rules state it affects all enemies in the combat. I only roll a 2 but that's enough to wipe them all out.
I go through another door and find an armoury and yet another chance to pick up an Assault Blaster! But I get a luck point back and pick up a pair of infra red goggles!
Next I have a locked door that I need to pull one of two levers. I am left handed so go left. The door opens and its yet another t-junction. This time I mix it up and head right.
It is called a Micro Helicopter but looks more like a space wasp!
I have tried micro helicopters and I am terrible at flying them. I am not told what type of combat it is so its time to use some of my martial arts skills. We are both skill 8 but he only has stamina 2. One karate chop is all it takes. Everything goes a bit wrong though as it catches fire and the room is soon ablaze. I get the option to take two items but this would take me over my limit so I ditch the simpering tool. I am now the proud owner of a plastic cylinder with ball bearings and an unopened cardboard packet with a red heart. I open the package to find a deck of playing cards. I wonder if space cards are different?
The next room in the never ending corridor contains a machine for copying tapes. I take the tape from the machine but all the others are blank. I wonder if they are recording music off the radio.
And I wander into this dude.
The deity is one if the most unique fights I have come across so far in all the books. He has six unique weapons and each combat round he rolls to see which one is used. If you roll a 6 he uses an instant kill disintegrator but its only skill 5. Its ranged combat but this could be a messy one.
He may have a lot of weapons but he proceeds to miss me with every single one. Including the instant kill ray with his first attack. I wont lie, that was terrifying. I go over to inspect its remains but he blows up causing 4 points of stamina damage.
The next room has a pool of water covering half of it. I get the option to investigate the pool but looking at the US cover I feel it will just have tentacles in it so I go the dry way. In the next corridor its a precarious walkway miles about what appears to be a countryside. And of course yet another t-junction. I go left, another t-junction...
I go left again and end up in the scene form the cover. I learn that the sport is called Zero-G Fangball and its the Epsilon-Indi telecast! I calmly pull out my deck of cards and offer them a game since they clearly are not that bothered about their job. But turns out they do not want to play and its blasters out. Turns out Guard 1 is terrible but Guard 2 is an absolute sharpshooter but my armour takes three hits for me. They have triggered an alarm though so I make haste through a security door.
Why would you not put up handrails!
The text specifically calls out the lack of handrails over the mystery pool of water so I take the path around the edge instead.
Wrong choice.
I alas do not have any of the wonderful sounding Anti Mollusc Formula Four so its a straight hand to hand fight. Alas I have not read about the mollusc nervous system either so I do the standard two stamina damage. Both are skill 8 but the dice are kind and I only take three hits. As their lifeless bodies float to the surface I have my first energizer tablets to bring the stamina back to a healthy 19.
A Space Orc?
I am told this guy holds a disintegrator which I know from the other battle is an instant kill. He offers me a question to get past but I look in my pack and get an option to use the deck of cards again. I pass a luck test and bamboozle it so much with a question it ends up a drooling mess. I was also a drooling mess when I was trying to follow what my character was saying. I dive through one of the portals behind him.
A VR Game!
I sit down in the seat and find myself in a game with its own set of rules. Its a bit like world of tanks.
I wont lie, my first read through of the rules has confused me.
Once you get into it though it becomes a lot simpler. I was actually really enjoying it. Initially the other tank put me in trouble as I lost two shields without reply but I got him back twice (including a lucky miss from him). But then I got behind it twice and missed both times. Another trade put it 2-1 shields wise for me and I then managed to go 17 turns without us bumping into each other. Finally by blind luck I ended up behind him again and took him out. This battle lasted quite some time.
And the logical finish to this was of course to appear in some kind of anti grav transport tunnel heading towards a big mouth creature called a Toroid. Now it was skill 0 (a first) but I had to kill it within 3 turns by shooting it and it had stamina 12.
First roll hits and I roll a 6! Only need to score 6 with two shots. But my second shot misses. Third shot hits and I am not joking I roll another 6 for damage. Absolute scenes here that no one understands.
Very strange room to have on a intergalactic spaceship
The next room has the ominous message of step on the wrong tile and its goodbye. I have to pick a path and add up the numbers and turn to that reference. If it makes no sense its game over. I have no idea, I assume you get a clue that I have missed. It wont be up all the way up the middle. I decide to start middle and go left (left has been serving me well so far), so 255. And yeah fully expecting my death it actually makes sense. I am leading a charmed life in this one that's for sure.
Its back to back encounters now as I find these guys blasting me as I go through the door.
No I have not read a book about robotics.
I really wish I had found the library in this book, would have helped no end with all these encounters. We are all skill 8 so its a very even battle. I do prevail after taking the first Sentinel out quickly but the other guy lasts a lot longer. I get him down to 1 stamina and then roll a 6 for damage. That's like a head shot when the enemy only has a sliver of health left. By the end of the encounter my armour is in absolute tatters and I take my second tablet to boost the stamina. Armour won't be stopping anything going forward now.
I have made it to the bridge!
I decide to have a chat with the pilot since I am pretty sure any more firefights will result in my death. He wastes no time in small talk though and immediately he starts contemplating existence and if we are dreaming each other. I remember the prisoner's advice earlier to say I do not really know so I go with that. He tries again but I feign disinterest and he asks me to leave.
I make my way into the computer room and am shocked by how old it is. Not real life shocked by 80s tech but my character is shocked as it does not have any cryogenic cooling. I get the option to shoot it up but I am meant to be taking Cyrus alive so crippling the ship does not factor in to my thinking. I go straight into the next room and bump into Cyrus himself!
Wait are you not the Vampire from House of Hell?
I decide to sit down first with him and have a chat. I am 99% sure its a terrible idea but I owe it to justice to find out his true intentions. But of course the drink is spiked. My stamina sees me through though and he threatens me with an advanced piece of kit. Nope you had your shot at trust so I dive at him. Its only some old clockwork kit! He escapes down a hatch and I follow him down. But he has managed to get into some exo suit called the Waldo!
I get the option to search the backpack but all I have are ball bearings. Ah why not I shrug. Amazingly it reduces his skill by 1 point as they make him unsteady on his feet. What are those ball bearings made of?
Its boss time! He has skill 9 reduced to 8 so we are level there. He only has stamina 12 though and its a gun fight so this might be close.
I hit with my first shot and roll a 3 so he is down to 9. He misses, no doubt having a comedy fall as he steps on some ball bearings. Its a repeat in the next round, he misses and I take off another 3. Its even better next round as I take off 4 stamina. He hits me though but its only a 2, he should have used the Lash! Boom! Head shot! 6 stamina off and its all over. I read the best instruction you can get in Fighting Fantasy, turn to 400.
Wait what? Really? That's it!? I finally make it all the way through and that is all we get!? There is a huge chunk of empty space as well on the last page that could have been used! That makes it even worse!!!!
This would be like the entirety of this blog being -
Played Space Assassin, it was ok.
Notable Encounters -
Mapping out this book I realised that I have missed a lot of amazing encounters!
Fancy a pet space squirrel?
Its not even as simple as that, they can all escape or you could eat their food and its instant death. Even worse, if you don't feed your pet squirrel he tells the Zark that you are a bit of a dick and that he should shoot you. Treat him well!
You can deactivate the reactor core which leads to a scramble through the ship to get to an escape pod. It leads to failure but I prefer to think of it as an alternative ending.
Anyone that's worked late at the office will recognise this scene.
The cleaners do not take kindly to you and they attack with their vacuums! This may sound exotic but my partner was telling me the other day that a cleaner at her work put someone in a headlock for putting a cup with washing up liquid in the dishwasher. Id like to think this had happened on the Vandervecken along with people not cleaning up after themselves. No wonder they are so angry!
This gentleman is actually very nice to talk to.
There is also an interesting series of questions from a bunch of Simulacrums. At first it looks like random guessing but if you read carefully there are hints which point you to the right answer.
But ok lets talk about the encounter that really defines this book that I managed to miss by miles. Which is just as well as its a pain in the ass. On the ship there is a mini planet. In theory this sounds like a fun and novel idea. But its nothing more than another maze like the one in Warlock. There are a few encounters like with these guys -
This lot can be very friendly but one faux pas with the wrong gift and its instant kill!
But most of it is very dry and boring and it took me ages to map it out, and even then I am pretty sure I have a part of it wrong.
Artwork -
Its another new artist, Geoffrey Senior who looks after the art this time. I think we can all agree its a massive step up from the previous sci-fi book. The Vandervecken, the Pilot and the Deity are my favorites from the playthrough. And those village backwater aliens are also great. I find Geoffrey is excellent at capturing the aliens, especially when you think what information he must have had to work with.
Finally some evidence that Cyrus is a bit of a monster.
The Robot Guard in the prison.
All in all some excellent stuff here. But its not all good news. There is a lot of artwork of scenes that are not that important. This is not the artist fault but it is frustrating as there are plenty scenes in the book that would do great with an illustration.
A hall with black dots...ok
The cryo chambers
The lake is pretty cool, but you cant do anything about it, you just have a look and move on!
And this is just a dead end! If you see this you are dead already.
Just a waste as I would have loved to see more from Mr Senior but from what I can see on Titannica this was the only book he illustrated.
The Big Bad -
Cyrus's motivations other than being a mad scientist are not really fleshed out. I do like the brief cat and mouse game you play with him when you first meet. If only I had not drank the wine I could have used my infra red goggles. He can also just bugger off in an escape shuttle and leave you just watching if you are not careful.
The Waldo looks bad ass!
But as bad ass as it looks its also not the most challenging with only skill 9 which you can also reduce like I did. I think its skill should be upped a bit but be able to take it down with the correct items. The thing is because its ranged combat, you can give him a high skill and not make it impossible for low skilled characters as you are not rolling skill v skill.
Menagerie -
Well what a mix there is here. On one hand you get the futuristic enemies such as the many robots. Some of them are traditional enemies but a few times you find yourself surrounded by 6-8 small robots, really designed for you to lob a grenade at. But what I did like was the uniqueness of some of the fights. The Deity for example I really enjoyed, with so much different options and it managed to cause a little bit of poo to come out when he got his disintegrator out. The Toroid as well with only a few shots to take it out before it eats you (should have had an illustration) adds some tension to the encounter.
And you can be a ruthless dick and kill nice scientist underlings.
But we also have some more fantasy type monsters such as these -
A Scorpion with Wings, its called a Winged Scorpion
The Thran Shapeshifter is pretty much a Vampire
And there seems to be a strange obsession with everything octopus!
Explains all the tentacles in the US cover!
Entertaining Deaths -
Oh we get some good ones here team. Lets start with eating the Space Squirrel food. Not a stamina hit, straight death!
I particular like the option of giving the tribes chief a can of nerve gas. He accidently sprays it in his face killing himself and then his tribe kill you in vengeance.
Failing to pay cost of a pan dimensional homing device.
Turning on the gravity in the garbage chute and being ejected into space.
But this books winner is with out a doubt the absolutely ridiculous situation of defeating a guardian robot in a random hall. Turns out he is guarding a safe which in itself is booby trapped! Its got a black hole trap if you press the wrong button, which I am pretty sure would have caused a catastrophic problem for the ship. This whole situation makes no sense.
Pete's Corner -
Don't reason with Robots
Final Thoughts -
Ok during my playthrough I thought this was really enjoyable. It was not until I mapped it out that I realised that its Warlock of Firetop Mountain in Space. This makes sense as that was the only gamebook Andrew Chapman had read. The spaceship walkways are just the same as the mountains tunnels with a door off the main passage. But with the same amount of upsetting t-junctions! God I forgot how much I hated t-junctions. The final confrontation with Cyrus is also very reminiscent of the battle with the Warlock. But the big reminder is his version of the maze of Zagor which is the planet in the spaceship, and is just as frustrating.
I thought I was extremely lucky with my playthrough. Honestly the two rolls of 6 to take out the Toroid was so jammy. But not as fluky as a complete guess at the route for the number path. Now it is a terrible unthematic encounter, don't like it. And to make matters worse the advise you can get about it is flat out wrong! All I could think though when I read I made it was, yeah no one is going to believe this. Id already worked out that I could use the Indiana Jones clip as a finish!
But the real luck was the route I took and not ending up on that god forsaken planet or any of the instant kill rooms.
What I really liked though was the new mechanics. Armour is great but even better was the shooting combat. It made for much faster paced combat encounters and as you are rolling against your own skill rather than skill v skill made it a lot fairer, especially for low skill characters. I mean I was skill 8 for most of the playthrough.
And at least there was no you must have this item or its game over, the items would help in the right situations.
Lets talk about the tank game. Its really interesting and a testament to how Andrew can plot out an idea. It can be a little boring after a while and takes up far too much of the book but from a technical stand point I think its amazing.
But this kind of sums up Space Assassin. There is some really good ideas in here and I found my playthrough pretty fun. But its also full of some filler. The planet has to go, or at least reduce its size and have some actual encounters on it rather than repeated plains and hills. Its an interesting idea but not executed well. Combined with the tank game and multiple reference passages just directing you straight to another page I feel a lot of potential was missed. Which is a shame as more encounters like the ones in the route I took and this would have been great.
But that ending is terrible. And I don't just blame Chapman, Puffin or anybody should have picked this up.
Its the end of 1984. The royalties for Fighting Fantasy are rolling in. Ian turns up at his office at Games Workshop and sits down on his chair, a throne made of pure gold. Taking off his oversized fur coat and his feathered hat he reflected on what to do next. The people at Puffin were insatiable for more, and he wanted more. But he was exhausted, churning out FF was hard work. Fake Steve Jackson had escaped back to the US so that plan was over. Original Steve was not working fast enough and no amount of bribery for his freedom would budge him. He was obsessing over something called Sorcery.
Picking up his diamond encrusted cane he strode through the office surveying his empire when he came across the White Dwarf office. Two young scribes were working away, Mark Smith and Jamie Thomson. An idea formed in Ian's mind along with a wicked smile.
Ian "Guys, have you played Fighting Fantasy?"
Mark "Yes of course boss, we love Fighting Fantasy!"
Ian "Excellent, how would you both fancy writing your own one?"
Mark "Really!? Of course we would love to do that, we have so many ideas. We can use the world we have built, Orb, its amazing its got..."
Ian "Yes, yes all good, you need to get started today though and I want the manuscript on my desk by the end of the week."
Ian starts heading to the door.
Jamie "I cant believe we will have our names on the cover of a Fighting Fantasy book!"
Ian stops in his tracks and slowly turns around.
Ian "I don't think so, nobody knows who you are! Its my name and I suppose Steve's that sell the books. It will be our names on the front cover!"
Jamie "But how does that work? We are writing it?"
Ian "Or you could stay here and keep writing word searches?"
Jamie "But..."
Ian sighs "You can put your names on page 3."
Before Jamie can protest Mark puts his hand over his mouth, muffling him.
Mark "Thanks boss, of course that will be great!"
Ian turns and leaves the office. Mark removes his hand slowly.
Jamie "Why would you agree to that Mark? Its not fair!
Mark "Don't worry Jamie, this is just a means to an end, I have a plan!"
Talisman of Death was published in December 1984 and is a collaborative effort between new authors Mark Smith and Jamie Thomson. It is unique that it is set on the world of Orb which is different to the previous fantasy based books of Allansia. I believe Orb already existed in the duos gaming sessions so it already had fleshed out locations and characters. Also after the success of this book they would build on Orb to create the Way of the Tiger series of gamebooks and break away from the Games Workshop banner. I have never read the Way of the Tiger but I am curious to check them out. Also never played Talisman of Death before so very curious to see how this goes!
Covers -
Now where do I even start that will properly covey the sheer epicness of this cover! Its so 80s metal it could be an Iron Maiden cover. What looks like Death himself with his scythe riding his bucking horse on a backdrop of a lightning storm. If I am being picky the horse looks slightly strange but overall Peter Andrew Jones has smashed it out of the park. What young kid is not going to want to pick this book up!
Now first off I was shocked to find Wizard reprinted this one as it wasn't written by one of the core authors. I guess Ian forced them to sign over the rights as well! Its also got Steve and Ian's name without the presents label which I think is particularly harsh. But its another awesome cover by Martin McKenna. Its a lot more sleepy hollow kind of vibe. But I love it, the horse is much better and the full moon backdrop works just as well as the lightning storm. Talisman has been blessed with some fantastic cover art.....
But do not worry. Once again the US Cover comes to our aid! At least I think its the Talisman of Death cover and not some kind of Star Wars novel since it clearly features Jawas! Token Dragon though and not sure at this stage who the women is.
I am perplexed by the strange portal/door thing in the side of the mountain. Looks very Twilight Zone to me.
Anyway expect a letter in the post from Disney's lawyers on this one. Or who knows maybe they will just buy up the FF franchise as well and we can get a theme park!
Premise -
So I wake up on a green velvet couch. Apparently on the topmost turret of a great white castle hanging in the clouds. Now how I know this after just waking up I have no idea. I do not recognize the clothes I am wearing which makes me concerned for exactly how much I must have drunk the previous night and who the hell dressed me?! But no my character is more interested in my calfskin boots which to be fair do sound quite comfy.
I then try to remember my time on earth but struggle and instead worry about how I am now a bad ass swordsman! Drawing my sword I go through all my moves despite having no idea who has trained me to be able to use a sword. I also make swooshing noises as I practice my swordplay for effect. Embarrassingly thinking I was by myself it turns out that the bird watching me can talk. The bird tells me I have been plucked from Earth to the world of Orb and I am in the Garden of the Gods to act as their champion to complete a task.
The bird tells me I am more likely to succeed than anyone else on earth. Ok really? You have plucked a 41 year old IT guy who has done no exercise since covid. I really hope this task involves an installation of Office 365 on the Gods computer, or maybe they need their VPN fixed. Otherwise I fear they have chosen poorly.
We wander down to meet some of the Gods. The first one has no eyes and I see a reflection of my destiny in her face, although I assume nothing that will help me in the adventure to come, but I take note of the devils with blue skin comment.
The other God is clearly Time as he keeps changing from Baby to Old man and everything in between. I hope its just his face otherwise that's going to be a really disturbing visual! Does his clothes (or Toga) adjust as well? He give me a brief overview that I've been brought here to prevent a fatal upset in the balance of nature. I've got to right the cosmic scales but in typical Gods fashion they claim they cant actually do the anything themselves and they use men as their tools. Which is very sexist.
At this point I point out why pick me and not, I dont know, someone better?
I would have gone with the Rock
So the floor of the room is a very detailed map of Orb, very realistic. Too realistic. Then they say don't die and don't fail. And for once my character asks the question I would ask myself. Fail at what? But it is too late as I start falling down towards the map which is actually the real world. Its all too much for me and I pass out.
Playthrough -
So despite being new authors and a new world it looks like the rules are the standard fare. Although confusingly the start of the book has how to fight the creatures of Orb with some equipment information and another section about equipment. This would be easier if everything was in the one place. Pretty sure I've got a sword, backpack, provisions and apparently fire flares. But then later it says says they are 5 fire torches and a flint and tinder to light them and guard them with my life! Shame as the flares would not have needed flint and tinder. I decide to assume the torches are correct since they have a number and this is fantasy after all.
Skill - 11
Stamina - 21
Luck - 8
That mystery sword training really did help! I decide to take potion of strength as usual as its all about keeping that stamina up to make the blog last longer.
So I wake up in dim room lit by torches which saves me having to fumble around in my pack for my flint and tinder. I've never used a flint and tinder before so I hope my mystery training included that. I am not alone for long though as a D&D party soon appears.
Good lord man what happened to your face?!
Turns out he is a wizard wearing a mask. The crossbow lady asks me what I am doing here in the Rift, the spawning place of all evil. Oh great, what a place for the Gods to start me out in! So options are attack, play for time (which is tempting just to be a dick as they are in a rush), tell them I am on a quest against evil or that I am from another world. Well these are clearly the good guys (and I would not be surprised if this was the authors actual D&D characters) and I have no idea what quest I am on as nobody has told me yet!
It is just as well as the Priest uses some kind of truth spell on me and confirms I am telling the truth. Luckily this leads to a bit of an explanation on what the Gods failed to explain. The followers of Death have created an object that will allow them to summon Death to the material world. Once that happens all life will cease to exist apart from team Death. They make a point of saying it will be out of balance and I am like ah! Just like the Gods said! This team are all that is left of the good guys and they have the object. Guess what, its only the Talisman of Death!
As this is a dead end and the wizard only has enough MP to teleport one person out they decide to entrust this mission to the guy they just met. The one that does not look like the Rock. I have to head to Greyguilds-on-the-moor and find a way to take the Talisman back to Earth.
I do wonder that if I am part of an exchange deal and that the God(s) of Earth have summoned a poor local farmer to cover my work.
The party have a glorious last stand against a horde of Dark Elves and Trolls. But I get teleported out to the entrance to the rift. Time to get out of dodge and I get the option of going direct or through the forest. I decide the forest will give me more cover and head that way.
I immediately bump into a huge she wolf! She has her babies so I decide to try and distract by giving on of my provisions,
Nature Gandalf turned up.
What I assume is a Druid, Wodeman appears and thanks me for my gift and gives me back one luck point which is no use a this stage. More useful is his gift of a golden apple which will restore, 4 Stamina points. So a normal provision then. Feeling like a bit of a waste of an encounter I move on.
Things take a turn for the worse though when I disturb a Basilisk who tries to petrify me. I manage to lose 1 Skill point which is a devastating start.
It does not get any better when I come across an old women stuck in the lake. Trying to help her it turns out its actually a big old Grendel that suckered me in. Its old women, complete with voice I might add, was just its head. Despite my frozen hand the Grendel does not lay a hand (erm or tentacle) on me.
I finally get out of the forest (A bit easier than Forest of Doom at least). But I am on the moor for barley a minute and I am surrounded by warrior women on horses.
Its at this point that I wonder how the Orb citizen on Earth is getting on with traffic.
I get quite a barrage of option on what to do here. Now I have the Talisman I do not know whose allegiance lies where. One of the options is to pretend to be deaf and dumb so I decide to go for it. Amazingly they buy it and give me a lift. As they think I am deaf they natter away and I discover they are the watch for Greyguilds-on-the-moor and they have some beef with the local priestess.
Or at least so I thought. Someone shouts ambush and I hear an arrow whistling in the air. I get the option to duck or do nothing. Crap, I need to sell the story so I don't move. Right enough they were testing me and now believe as the arrow hits a tree harmlessly. We arrive in town and they drop me off.
The local area is called Moorgate and luckily the streets have quite obvious names like Store street and Smith street. Neither makes me think magic way to get back to earth. If this was an Ian Livingston book I would be straight to Store street but as I am currently down a skill point I head to Smith street.
I try the local armorer who can sell me a sword, but I already have one so I leave and head further down the street. Its not long before I realise I am in the bad end of town and get accosted.
A JAWA!
Nope, its a minion of death, and he wants the Talisman. This thing must have some kind of tracker on it. Well no guessing who's side this guy is on so I decide to attack first. Now he is only skill 7, stamina 5 but every hit he scores I lose 1 skill point! Brutal! He hits me once before I put him down and now I am down to skill 9. I was thinking when I rolled 11 for Skill I would brute force this book but now I will have to be a lot more careful. After the fight I am told I gain back all but 1 skill point that I lost after resting....great.
On Silver street I hear through a broken pipe some thieves plotting to rob the jewelers down the street. I decide to be a massive grass and go to the shop to warn him. But before I can the thieves appear and I can join them or fight them. I am still a good guy so I fight them. So much for not brute forcing. I have to fight two of them and they do get a couple of hits in. But when one goes down the other one runs. The Jeweler is very thankful and gives me 10 gold and a nice ruby!
I make my way to Booker street and get the option to go and see what a bunch of blue toga students are up to or visit the library. Well its information I need so I decide to head to the library. Delighted so far that the people of Orb use English. Should also give the Orb farmer on Earth a fighting chance.
I decide to read up on the history of Greyguilds and find out quite a lot! For instance its the religious orders that hold all the power, the God of thieves has the most followers (almost like a city of thieves!) and there is a temple of death! I also glean that Fell-Kyrinla is evil and the All-Mother is good. I have such a great time that I appear to have lost all track of time and the library is closing and I need to find a place to sleep for the night.
My search does not go well. I walk into a hidden man trap and my leg is caught. More followers of Death appear and take the Talisman from me. "Oh no" I cry in between eating a sandwich from my back pack to bring my stamina back to max. Just then the watch arrive and a big battle ensues around me. The watch win which I thought would be good and they scoop up the talisman. Still munching I mention its mine but they declare they are taking it to the temple of Fell-Kyrinla. Oh great, are you sure you dont want to take it to the All-Mother? No? Ok, just help me out instead. But no they leave me still in the man trap!
A passer by releases me and offers me a place to sleep for the night. The book tells me I am exhausted and I agree and head home with the stranger. Fully expecting something terrible to happen.
But instead I get a great nights sleep and restore 4 stamina! I have wasted my cheese and onion sandwich!
Since he did not screw me over I decide to tell him the whole tale. He tells me his name is Apothecus and he is a historian who is aware of the Talisman of Death and I must get it back. He advises to head over to the Red Dragon Inn and enlist the help of the thieves guild as my only chance. He also gives me a ring to help me prove to him I am not a shapeshifter when I come back tonight, but it also gives me a much needed skill boost of +1. Honestly I do not think my skill has changed this much in multiple books!
I do get the option of ignoring him and heading to the temple but I decide he has been a good egg and to go to the Red Dragon. On my way I bump into some fighting students and one of them drops a brass tiger pendant. I pick it up and return it which nets me a luck point.
It looks a lot more quite here than the text suggests.
I spend 1 gold on a drink but the book just assumes you have enough. Chatting with the staff gets me nowhere so I have to speak to a group of people that I guess are thieves. However they think I am the law. I do persuade them though that I need their help with a job and a meet is arranged at the guild for tomorrow at noon.
Before I leave though these vagabonds turn up.
They are Tyutchv and Cassandra. In my chat with the barman he revealed that Ttuychv is a nutter that worships a chaos god. I decide to try and leave but fail as they tell me to stay. They start asking me questions about why I am here. I decide to just tell them I am looking for thieves so I can plan a cool heist movie but they become uninterested so I get out of there while I can and head for dinner with Apothecus.
I ignore a street urchin and make it back for dinner. Apothecus has come up trumps again and introduces me to Diodorus, another sage. Who specializes in travel by planes of existence! What a find. He tells me there is a portal at the top of Mount Starreach so thats the final destination. But first I am to leave the city by a cistern in the graveyard. Which I assume will be in the temple of death. They do make me recite a phrase though that might help - All Mother, nature herself, preserve me. The All Mother is Deaths opposite in the pantheon.
In case anyone wondered what was for dinner it was Peacock basted in spirits of Ra.
I head over to the thieves guild and its a bit of a trap but my luck holds and the harpoon at the door only grazes me. The thieves are not pleased to see me at all as apparently they would have told me the safe route if they really wanted to meet me. I keep getting options to draw my sword but I decide to use my earth experience of watching heist movies and play it cool. Telling them they will miss out on a big score. So they go to get the boss man.
That my friend is a daring ensemble!
I decide not to tell them its the Talisman but that its in the temple and we can share the spoils. He says thanks as they now know where they need to hit, snaps his fingers and I am killed by a hail of crossbow bolts. But in an interesting switch I am told to go to another page.
The Gods, time and fate are having none of it. They put my body back together and restore all my initial stats and put my back at the start of the adventure! This puts me in a bit of a conundrum, its an interesting way to reset. Better than Forest of Doom for sure. I decide to just go back to where I was as if I played identically.
The heist is back on! I tell them its the Talisman of Death and the team are put together. We scale the rooftops and throw a grappling hook onto the temple roof. A skylight is found and trap disarmed and we rappel down. An old man might have seen us so I knock him out with the pommel of my sword. The thieves though want to kill him but that is not how my heist movie goes but as I stop them I knock a dagger out of their hand and it clatters, very noisily, down the stairs. As the alarm sounds the thieves magically disappear.
I take out a lone guard just in the nick of time (it took 5 combat rounds which was the limit). And make it into the temple to find -
Hawkanna, and she is not pleased to see me.
Oh my I do not have any of the mentioned items so its a skill 12 fight! Its quite an epic fight but my high stamina sees me through. But I see she is already regenerating after the battle. Nope, double tap rule! I go back to finish her off and its her magic ring! So I take it and gain back 6 stamina points. Coupled with a good feed and I am back up to near perfect health. The thieves conveniently were outside the door which they claimed was locked.
As we make our escape one of the thieves tries to stab me. I avoid it and the temple guards arrive and I use the thief who gets pin cushioned as I use him as a shield. Following the rest out they turn on me but when they realise their friend has failed they decide they don't want to fight the killer of Hawkanna.
Before I even have a chance to catch my breath, Tyutchev and Cassandra appear. They know all about the Talisman and are here to take it off me. They introduce a floating octopus who turns out to be a master illusionist with a troll friend.
So in a strange change to normal process the scary floating squid changed into a man. Rather than the other way around....
I decide to tackle the troll first but he is an illusion. What is not an illusion is the illusionists fireball. Finally getting to grips in a fight with Tyutchev he is skill 10 and nicks me before I can hit him back. I have lost 7 stamina in the space of a minute and sitting at 13 currently. After hitting him once though the illusionist and Cassandra start to surround me and I get asked if I can summon a Gods aid. Now this is Fighting Fantasy so I assume this is the ones specific occasion I am meant to use the phrase I learnt.
In the most Lord of the Rings thing ever I get scooped up by a great eagle who flies me out of there!
I still don't know why the Eagles didn't just fly Frodo to Mt Doom. Other than making it a really anti climatic book.
The All Mother speaks to me, pointing out Mount Star Reach which has a portal to my world. As the eagle starts off to it I am thinking great nearing the end game. Which lasts until the next sentence where the old Talisman starts to weigh very heavy and forces the eagle to land back in the city. He then buggers off as I realise that's probably what would have happened to Frodo.
I hasten over to the graveyard but again I am blocked by an obstacle.
I don't think I am getting past.
I ask him politely if I can just squeeze through but he just stands there. I get quite a few options to be aggressive or attack but I move aside and invite him through. He is very rude and just barges past but fisticuffs are avoided. Its at this point I remember my stamina is a bit low and scoff two meals to bring it back up.
Of course I arrive at the cemetery at dusk. It was never going to be daytime. I see a light but decide that's not where the cistern is going to be so i keep searching against the wall. And amazingly I find it and just like that I am out of city!
After spending the night in a haystack I get options for traveling to the mountain. I decide to decline the trade route road and also the direct patch as if I was Death that's where I would have my minions so I head east over the heath.
Straight into a Griffin!
Now this may be one of the sorriest Griffins I have seen. The text does say it has the body of a lion but that memo never made it to the artist. Anyway he gets a couple of hits in before it transpires that he can talk! He says he has had enough and will give me a ride. So I hop on and I am back in the air heading straight for my goal!
This at least lasts until the next paragraph where all of a sudden the landscape changes to Jurassic Park and I am bizarrely knocked off the Griffins back by a Pteranodon and sent crashing into a pool to fight it. I must admit I did not see that coming and I am now 0-2 in flying to the mountain.
Now its only a skill 7 fight but its got a hefty chunk of stamina at 15 and I roll terribly and before I can take it down I am on reduced to 9 stamina. But before I can eat any meals this guy shows up as well.
Stamina 30!
Starting to think I've landed on the Island of the Lizard King. Three attack rounds in (and another hit) a T-Rex shows up! What the actual hell is going on here!? Luckily for me the two big beasts fight it out and the Triceratops wins the fight and then walks away exhausted. Apparently I stood and watched the whole thing instead of getting out of there. Before I do anything else though I take my potion of strength to get my stamina back up.
I spend a lovely night where giant flies lay their larva on me and in the morning have to jump into a pool to wash it off. Amazingly all this did was mean I did not restore any stamina for a nights sleep rather than lose anything.
So I make it to the mountain itself and begin the climb. I find a cave that smells of sulphur and I am forced by the authors to go in. The only way I would have gone in is if I could no longer climb the mountain!
I light one of my torches and arrive at a junction already. I stay on the main path.
Straight into Smaug from the Hobbit.
Many options are presented here. But the one I am 100% on board with is to back out slowly and resume my climb. I make it to the top, enjoy the view and head to the portal. Only for the dragon to show up and declare it is the guardian of the portal and it will die if someone goes through. I draw my sword ready for a battle and he absolutely smokes me with his flame breath and I am dead again. Pesky Smaug.
But I am back in the void and fate and time are like come on now. They send me back to world this time back outside Greyguilds with all my equipment except a specific list but I dont have any and 15 points of stamina.
In the interest of my sanity I decide to just go through the same path as before and put myself at the cave with the 15 points of stamina. This time I go down the side tunnel and arrive behind the dragon. I sneak in an pick up 3 dragon scales before leaving. They are clearly the key to defeating the dragon. As I walk up the mountain I get ask if I have another item, I don't and get burnt to a crisp again.
The gods once again try and put me back but to I am like no thanks, repeatedly dying is very painful and I don't really care for Orb much and tumble off into oblivion (this was not an option but I've made it one).
Notable Encounters -
So right from the start if I had not gone through the forest there is an epic chase where some Orcs and Dark Elves pursue you for quite a while.
Hey everyone he is over here!
But honestly most of the best encounters I found during the playthrough. The epic escape thanks to the eagle to the absurd but amazing Griffin fight with a Pteranodon. And the heist itself and dealing with Hawkana. I glossed over it a bit in my walkthrough but you get a full compliment of names for your heist squad.
But I did miss some such as dealing with the Envoy of Death in the city and trying to escape the wraiths on the moor.
For legal reasons absolutely nothing like the LOTR Ringwraiths.
Looking at the Wizard cover now I guess that is the scene its covering. If so it makes it even more epic, it really gives a feeling of fleeing through the wilderness.
But by far the best encounter is the Red Dragon Inn. After the barman told me the story of Tyutchev and Cassandra and knowing I had to get out of there it was loaded with tension. I was so nervous the entire time, trying to play it cool and get out of there without upsetting them. It is a very clever set up with lot of great choices that only build to the tension. It suckered me right in.
Artwork -
Bob Harvey is behind the pencils this time and its another really mixed bag. From my playthrough above I really love the Horsewomen, Minion of Death and the Triceratops which is amazing, top stuff. Hower the Griffin looks really ropey as I mentioned in my playthrough. And if you look at Hakwana's dress its the same swirls from Starship Traveler's space scene. I also thought the Red Dragon bar scene could have a lot more in it to add to the flavor. Another example would be how empty the illusionist and troll background is. But if you look at the Eagle cityscape in the background its much better.
The Death Knight is just pure awesome.
And the Mummy is a cracker as well.
In fact Bob has all the Undead down.
So all in all the artwork is pretty good. Although they do seem somewhat obsessed with one lady though.
Hawkana gets three separate illustrations, including in a dream.
Considering she is not really in it that much I can only imagine that the boys were just a tad obsessed. I mean surely not. Whenever have fantasy nerds ever had an obsession with women. I am sure I have it all wrong.
Not sure about the Moose Demon though.
The Big Bad -
This one is a bit tough. I guess the one you are against is Death himself but he never appears at all. Just his minions. Hawkana also appears a few times and she is also a skill 12 beast! But I decided to go with the protector of the portal and the final battle with the Red Dragon.
The boss battle is a much better Dragon drawing than when he is in the cave.
Its at this point that I notice the portal is what the US cover was depicting! I guess I am used to portals looking like Stargate. But this is still 1984 so makes sense its not like that.
Anyway back to the Red Dragon. He is a beast. Skill 12 for a start but an absolute monster for instant kills. If you do not have a the dragon scale shield you are dead. He will scorch you with his his flame breath. If you do not have the spear you better get ready for a long fight. At least with the spear you only have to win four combat rounds as each hit does 5 damage.
If this was not bad enough though he can start talking to you as well. In fact he seems very reasonable and if you explain the whole saving the world from death he even helps you by suggesting to drop all your weapons to survive the portal. Except he is a dirty liar and as soon as you do he has a good chuckle and kills you. And even if you don't believe him he might still beguile you anyway.
Even when you think he has been beaten he turns into an old man and tells you a long sob story that he also came through the portal and has been cursed in the form of a dragon to protect the portal until someone beat him. You can now go through he portal and go home together. Such a nice ending. Or it would be but he changes back to a Dragon and kills you with his claws. He is just an all round, grade A dick. Do not trust this Dragon!
In all seriousness though it is an epic battle with a lot of options. It has a lot of the Balthus Dire feel about it.
Menagerie -
As you would expect from a book about death there are a lot of Undead themed characters but instead of just your usual ghoul and skeletons, we get some wraiths but also the Envoy and Messenger of death who are not your usual Undead.
The Envoy is a bit of a dandy!
Apart from the Undead the world of Orb is very similar to your standard fantasy affair. It is very varied but the main problem are humans to be honest. The Grendel was an interesting one and the switch to dinosaur theme was a bit jarring. But we did get some interesting others -
The Roc will have you back to his nest.
And then we have to talk about this guy. The Vivisect. 10/10 for uniqueness as a couple of scholars are trying out there best human centipede mixed with dolly the sheep effort.
And full credit to Bob for being able to draw this based on the description!
Entertaining Deaths -
So it is quite hard to stay dead in this book. The gods keep putting you back into the action. But I did find a few.
After leaving the Rift at the very start you can run straight at the Orcs that are pursuing you. You end up tumbling to death over a cliff with the Orc chief.
Or try running towards the Dark Elves who immediately capture you and take you back to the rift. Both of these do not see the Gods saving you as they are probably thinking this guy is an idiot, if this is the best earth has what's the point!
You can get trapped in a bush by a druid and starve to death after three days.
Losing a dream fight to Hawkana.
My favorite and winner though is just handing the Talisman of Death over to the Envoy of Death. Sure you want it, yeah why not, I cant be assed with this adventure.
Pete's Corner -
Run Away from the Orcs
Final Thoughts -
Well turns out I was wrong about the US cover, its actually pretty accurate!
Talisman feels massive. Mapping it out took a while. I had to separate it into different days in Greyguilds. The world feels lived in and full. From the moment of the start that drops you in to the action in the Rift to trying to hold onto the Talisman. It is an interesting switch to start you out with the McGuffin from the start.
The authors are great at ramping up tension. From escaping to Greyguilds, the Red Dragon encounter, the Heist to the journey to the portal. It is pretty tense all the time. And the guys do a great job of giving you multiple ways to deal with situations. Orb as a whole feels more fleshed out, already with a proper pantheon of Gods and multiple locations.
There are two unavoidable skill 12 fights which is is tough for low skill characters. Both have ways of mitigating the fight with the correct items but I would have have liked for their to have been a non combat option for the Red Dragon battle.
It does feel like they are trying to do a best of Fighting Fantasy -
From Warlock we have a mountain with a Dragon.
Citadel - A long multi faceted boss fight.
Forest of Doom - We have a small forest location at the start.
City of Thieves - Well we have a fairly comprehensive city full of thieves and villainy.
Deathtrap - A mini dungeon in the waterfall with a puzzle that would fit in great.
Lizard King - A tropical jungle with multiple dinosaurs.
All it needed was the Starship Traveler to drop in and we would have a clean sweep.
I cant believe I am going to advocate to remove a T-rex v Triceratops fight but it was a bit jarring. I would rather used the extra paragraphs to flesh out the heist a bit more or even better do something much more with the Griffin riding as that could have been awesome. I could do without the tunnel crawl to get the spear as well, have that spear in the city and flesh out more of the journey to the mountain. Minor complaints though as I was very impressed with the detail the guys went into.
The real issue for me is the resets. Yes it is much better than Forest of Doom as there is now a logical reason for the setting resetting itself. But I just found it a pain. Yes it extends the playthrough but I think it should be limited to once per adventure or something like that. It reminded me of Doctor Strange defeating Dormammu where he just dies over and over again until the big bad just gives up.
I can imagine Death just being like ok, even I have had enough of that Dragon killing you.
The ending is a let down. You appear in some stone circle, to no fan fair as no one on this planet knows what you went through. Perhaps with a ticking time bomb, have you just doomed the Earth to save Orb.
Minor quibbles though, this book is good and well worth a go. Orb feels a bit different to other fantasy FF books. Even though the premise of earth dude fish out of water was lame. Speaking of which I wonder how Bob the Orb farmer is getting on in Earth?
As he found himself on this strange world, wearing strange clothes he would learn were called a shirt and tie, Bob stepped out into this new world. Only to be killed by a bus.
Our God(s) wind back time to give him another crack, he just needs to fill in long enough for the person in Orb to get the Talisman after all.
Bob eventually makes it to the office where he keeps being told by different people that all these IT problems are a matter of life and death. He keeps picking the wrong ones to solve, including an embarrassing incident where he though the windows people referred to were the ones in the building. The God(s) keeps rolling back time but even when he becomes a computer genius his days always end with him being shouted at and time being rolled back. He longs for his farm in Orb where all he had to deal with was bloodthirsty monsters on his land trying to kill him and his cattle. Those were easy days.
In the end though he manages to break the repetitive groundhog day and leaves the IT industry to lecture on soil samples and crop rotation at the local college. Bob grows old on Earth and settles down with a family.
One day though the portal appears, at least he thinks its a portal, it just kind of looks like an outline of a door. He enters it and is returned to Orb. Its not the Orb he remembers though, the desolation is terrible. A lone figure is crumpled on the floor. He walks over and turns the body over. The face changes from child to old man to everything in between. He knows this is the God, Time.
"What happened here?" asks Bob
All Time can mutter over and over again is "They kept running towards the Orcs......"
