Stealer of Souls

Background - 

It is 1988 and Ian and Phillipa are making their way through the huge underground facility below Puffin HQ.  Armed men in black are flanking them as they make their way down the dimly lit corridor.  The fluorescent lights flickering on as they continued down the corridor.

Phillipa "Honestly Ian, I am not sure what we have done this time.  We think its another dimension.  The team are calling it the other way round."

Ian rubbed his eyes, tired at the madness that was unfolding yet again.

They made it to a control room where a flurry of scientists were monitoring various devices.  They were clearly panicked.  But Ian paid them no heed, instead he looked out the viewing window at the lone man outside.  He was fully clothed in a hazmat suit and was currently firing a flamethrower at a bunch of writhing black tentacles.  The red glow behind them was not coming from the flame but from whatever was behind them.

Phillipa "Suit up Ian."

Ian "Excuse me what?"

Phillipa "Unless you plan to write another book this week, we are going in."

Ian "Through there?  How do we even get in?"

Phillipa "They do not seem to like fire.  Don't worry the boys are coming with us!"  

Ian "But why?"

Phillipa "If we are right and its another dimension, then it might have someone that can write a new gamebook.  God knows we need to recover from that Sky Lord debacle."

Cut to them all standing in the room fully suited up in hazmat suits, the puffin logo on each arm.

Phillipa "Right, Bob there is going to shoot it with the flamethrower and then we will make a bit of a run for it."

Ian "Wait, why can I hear Kate Bush?"

Phillipa "Oh that helps find your way back."

Ian "Find my way back?  What the hell do you mean!?"

At that point we get a whoooosh from the flame thrower and the black tentacles retreat.

Phillipa "No need to worry, leg it!"

With that the team disappear into the red light.

Cut to later on as the team are moving by torchlight through a grey poorly lit building.  Grey flecks of dust rain down like snow, even inside.

Armed Man "Halt, I hear something up ahead."

Right enough there was a door with a thin light emanating from underneath it up ahead, it was the first sign of life they had seen in a while.

Signaling to the other armed men with his hand the team moved to the door.  After a brief wait they kicked it in, guns raised.

Phillipa and Ian followed them in.

There in front of them was a frightened man with his hands up, he had been working at his desk with a typewriter.

Ian takes his helmet off.

Phillipa "Ian what are you doing!  We don't know how safe it is to breath the air here!"

Ian looks over to her.  "This is not another dimension!  What you have done is open up a portal to Games Workshop HQ.  That's Carl and this is the WFRP office!"

Carl "Hi Ian."

Ian "Hi Carl."

Phillipa "But why is its so dusty and otherworldly?"

Ian "Its all about miniatures now so the WFRP guys live down here.  I don't think the cleaner has been down in years." 

Phillipa "Oh for heavens sake, please tell me he can write."

Ian "Well yeah he is one of our best."

Phillipa also removed her helmet. "Great, well forget about that rubbish you are doing now.  You are now writing a gamebook for me.  Except I don't want people to know we are cross pollinating, if anyone asks you are now Keith."

Carl, Sorry I mean Keith "Erm ok."

Stealer of Souls came out in July 1988 and is a debut for author Keith Martin.  What I did not know though however, is that this is a pen name for the great Carl Sargent who was a huge contributor to early Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay.  I know I am always excited to see a new author but this one I really have high hopes for!  Interestingly I actually owned this book, rather than getting it from the library.  But unlike others like Warlock which I remember like the back of my had, I can not actually remember much about it.  I do remember something about an island, but that's it really.  I wonder if its as it was later on in my life so I would have played it a lot less.  

Covers - 

Well after getting bombarded with lots of covers for an Elric book with the same name we have this cover.

And what a beauty it is!  This is probably the reason I bought it back in the day.  From the haunting purple mist to the cloaked figure, I just think this oozes epic 80s fantasy.

Sword and magic and a random skull behind him.  The red and black of the cloak itself.  Yep massive thumbs up from me.

I do have questions though.  

Ghost Rat!  Not even these guys are safe from having their Souls stolen!

And not sure why there is a golden rod stuck in the rock. 

Premise - 

We start this adventure with a summons from one Vanestin of Pollua.  Of course he is a mage, at least its not old Yaz this time.  To be fair Vanestin has spared no expense and I get a nice coach and best food on my travels.  This is probably as good as it will get for me!  I eventually get to his house and he is clearly a very rich man!  

He mentions a name, Mordraneth.  I am aware of this evil wizard.  The elves fear him and I once had drinks with a one armed dwarf who lost said arm to Mordraneth.  I play it super cool though and instead just sip my wine.  

It transpires that Mordraneth kidnapped another wizard called Alsander who had been researching Mordraneth's schemes.  Hope your keeping up, that is three wizards to now keep track of.  In his last conversation with Vanestin before he went missing, Alsander had worked out that Mordraneth was drawing power in some way from the realm of the dead.  They were going to meet up again but when Vanestin went to see Alsander he was missing, along with all his notes.

Vanestin is not useless though!  He has actually made a bit of an effort to come up with a plan.  They do not want me to go and kill the bad wizard.  No instead its a rescue mission.  Mordy has gone to Allansia but through scrying they have found where he has imprisoned Alsander.  They have sent a fake force after Mordraneth to pretend they have fallen for his ruse.

I am of course in game disappointed not to be going off to kill a bad wizard, although I am told if the opportunity comes up I can of course go for it.  

Poor Alsander is on the Isle of Despair (in game who names these places, never going to get ant retail value here).  Of course its not the sunshine islands.  It gets better, its just of the coast of the island of scars.  He has been hidden deep in the Iron Crypts.  Why he has not just killed him outright we do not know either.  No doubt so he can tell someone his grand evil plan.  

Now why send a lone warrior and, well I don't know, a wizard?  Well it turns out only Mordraneth's magic works in the Iron Crypts so they would be useless.  That actually makes a lot of sense!  Although personally I think all wizards should be rounded up and jailed since they almost destroy the world every other month.  

He has a vessel called the Petrel ready for me but says he will wipe my memory of anything he said if I do not accept.  Wait wouldn't I be then left wandering the streets and wondering why the hell I have travelled all this way?

Anyway I do accept and we enjoy some more wine before it is time to catch the tide.

Playthrough - 

We are back to basics, and I mean basics.  Skill, Stamina and Luck.  You have a sword, shield, leather armour, a backpack and 10 provisions!  I do not mind this to be honest.

Quick side note, I have no map in the cover of my book.  But look what I found!

Why did I not get a map!?

It does say I may learn some magic but for now I am a warrior.  Not even a potion!  Oh I have a lantern!

Skill - 9

Stamina - 22

Luck - 11

Not the best skill roll but a lot of stamina and luck.  Coupled with ten provisions, hopefully I can keep myself alive.  Probably safer to stay out of combat though.

As president of the Allansia Bird Watching club, that appears to be the big bird of trouble.

So ship captain Garaeth tells me the voyage will be a day or two.  The weather starts to turn though and the order to batten down the hatches is given as we try to outrun the storm.  Just as I go to head down though this giant bird attacks.  Do I want to make a run for it?  Yes I do.

Alas I am too slow and it takes 2 stamina from me and I have to fight anyway.  Not my best start.  This is a Giant Stormbird and its skill 8, stamina 12.  That's a pretty tough start.  Of course none of the sailors can reach me to help due to the weather.

My start does not get better, I get hit twice and three draws, I can not hit this thing.  I have a bit more luck but after many draws and a few more hits I take it down but I am already down to 12 stamina!

Of course the crew saw me making a run for it so I have to use my own provisions.  I have one meal, no doubt all alone.  I didn't see the crew helping much either!

When we arrive at the Isle of Despair, Garaeth tells me there is no harbour so then they lower me in a rowing boat and bugger off.  So I start rowing as some giant pincers appear.  Do I want to fight, throw some food or row like mad.  I decide fighting is a bad idea so I throw a provision into the water and the giant crab goes off and gets it and I can continue to row in safety.  

Queen guitarist Brian May then comes through the fog.

Its actually a Giant with kelp for hair.  He greets me and I get the option to attack him, speak back or run away.  I try to talk my way out of this.  He actually offers apologies for his Giant Crab Edwina and offer me some food and shelter from the rain.  Why not?

He leads me to his cave and offers me a massive fish stew.  He says the island is getting more evil but he can look after himself but he is worried about me.  He thinks I must be on a quest but I give nothing away.  Instead he gives me a scroll that he thinks could help.  It says - 

It also tells me to write down 350

Apparently the fish stew does not restore any stamina and it starts to rain so I stay the night.  The next day he gives me some salted fish to increase my provisions to 3.  I decide to eat one immediately and the other 2 take me back up to 10.  Day two fish is better for healing.  I head up the trail to the west.

The drizzle make me wet and miserable, just as I would be in real life.  I stop to eat and find that two of my provisions are spoiled.  What a crap backpack!  

I find my first junction!  I can go north to the hilly terrain or continue along the well used mud track.  I decide to stay on the track.

I make good progress but as the sun starts to set there is no sign of anywhere to sleep.  I have a look at a small copse of trees where a tree sprite appears and throws down a hammock.  I get no choice as my character decides this is a great idea and climbs up.  I get asked if I have any treasure.  Nope!

Amazingly nothing happens and I wake up the next day and everything is great!  Now we have a new junction.  The North path is marked by a skull on a stick, south is bloodied bird feathers.  Or I can just keep heading West.  Yeah West sounds safe.

I must stop to eat a meal so I decide that also gives me stamina back.  My provisions notes are wild already!  I see a building in the distance or I can ignore it and keep going West.  Well we can have a quick look I guess.

Hello sir, can I stay the night in your humble establishment?

The non descript grey building offers shelter for the night and I light a lantern and this chained man is in front of me.  I do not understand what he is saying.  Attack, help or look around?  Well lets just take a minute and check this place out first.  

The illusion fades and a dark priest hits me with a spell of magic cold for 6 (YES SIX) stamina points.  He then comes to finish me off and he is Skill 9, Stamina 13.  Oh dear.

I get very desperate and start using luck a few times when I get a hit in.  Finally he is taken down but I only have 8 stamina left.  I decide to eat a lot.  I only have four provisions left.  Back to Stamina 20 and Luck down to 9.

I find 5 gold in the dark priests robes and the place is evil, with an alter and a spooky picture which sounds very much like the cover art.  There is a trapdoor and no where else to stay the night so I causally put the body over the trap door then go for a sleep.  Test your luck.  Which of course I fail.

It leads to a terrible dream (otherwise known as a nightmare).  I am on a sheer rock crevasse as a black skull is flying around having a chomp at me.  Its trying to take my soul.  I wake up and it costs me 3 stamina.  Do you want to go back on the trail or have a look in the trapdoor.  Well we have come this far, lets have a peek.

Time to eat again, or lose stamina, down to my last three provisions.  I walk for hours in the dripping water.  Test your luck again.  This time I pass and arrive at the gates to the Iron Crypts.  I have no idea how I know it is the gate to the Iron Crypts.   

Problem is though, there is no way in!  I can either wait or try and bend the iron bars.  Well if I was a skill 12 monster I would smash down the door but of course I am not so I think ill have a wait.  Eventually a Goblin shows up so I make a noise to distract him.  Another one appears and the two confront me one at a time in the narrow tunnel.  Skill 5 and 6 though thank the cosmic entities.  I finally win a combat without getting hit.

I walk through the dark tunnel, not risking a lantern and using the glowing moss to see by.  The passageway leads to a dead end but its only an illusion hiding a door.  I open it and go through.

And straight into a room with two more Goblins!   One of them gets a hit in before they are both dispatched.  I am rewarded with some bone dice, hope they roll better than these dice.  On a serious gamer note I got so disgusted with my dice rolls I changed dice, you know what its like!

Blind junction next as I have three doors.  North, West, East.  Well usual rules is to go left so West it is.  Straight into another blind T-junction of North or South.  Lets try North.

I come to wall carving.  Do I want to look at it or go back, keep going North or head East?  I am not interested in the wall carving so I keep going North.

Reaching a door I notice a terrible smell behind it and scratching.  Do you want to go in or head back South.  Yeah I am going back South.  

Some stone steps greet me as I eventually get past the Goblin room.  Of course there is a ten foot statue guarding them with the head of a bull.  Yeah its going to be a minotaur.  It even teases me saying will it attack you, turn to find out.

Instead it asks for a gem, which I do not have.  Do I attack, do nothing or make a run for it?  Combat has been so bad for me I make a run for it.  It cost me 2 stamina and I have to make a skill test which I just pass and no more and make it past the Minotaur.  I immediately sit down to eat another provision.  

West it is again and I get an option to head towards daylight but I hear rending sounds or head east instead.  Being risk adverse I head east.  This way is blocked by choking acidic smoke so heading north now.

As president of the Allansia bird watching club this is, erm, I have no idea.

I can offer him a gift, attack or talk to him.  I have nothing to offer so I try and talk to him.  He tells me this is an evil place and the creatures are being driven away.  He thinks they have someone captive and then he becomes uncomfortable and flies away.  

I decide to head West again and end up in a mushroom cave.  I can keep going or try eating some.  This sounds like a terrible idea but it will probably mean gaining loads of stamina.  But I can't take the risk and leave them.

Now I find a failing illusion and step through into a North, South corridor.  North leads to daylight and a ripping noise again.  South it is.

Another passage is blocked by black smoke so I am railroaded West, which is a relief as all these choices are getting tough.  Although now its another blind choice.  Keep going or open an east door or a west door.  You know the rules, left!

This leads to another luck test which I just pass by rolling a 7.  A spear hurtles past and darts into the other door.  I hear noises from the north so decide to hurry on south.

Its really dark and I am told I must use a light source, either a lantern or a magic sword.  I wish I had a magic sword.  I follow some footprints and find a door with an iron grill.  Well that sounds like a prison cell so best check it out.  

I peek inside and see two human bodies, better make sure one is not my wizard.  Alas its locked and I have no keys so I walk on.  Oh well sorry guys.

The corridor ends in an door that is not locked.  Inside are two orcs eating a bit of Dwarf.  Amazingly they are weaker than Goblins!  They are killed easily and I wonder where these guys were at the start of the book instead of that bloody big bird.

I get another gold piece and have to pick between an east or south door.  Ill try South.

Coming to a fancy door on the west wall I decide to try and enter it.  Do you have an ebony key?  Nope.  Ok then move on, you can not open this door.  Sensing a theme here.

Next door at the end opens at least.  I am in a large stone chamber with blue flame torches.  Which give off green smoke?  The east door is half open with red light.  The west door is reinforced.  Plus we have fountain in the corner that I can drink from or throw a gold piece and make a wish.  

  
A wish sounds good so I toss a gold coin in.  Which melts straight away as it turns out the liquid is acid.  That sums up my day.  I decide to try the west door first.  But, and you will be shocked, I can not open it and have to go the other way.

The red glow is coming from a furnace in what is clearly a torture chamber.  This misshapen creature sees me and I can attack or speak to him.  Lets have a chat.

His name is Mehrabian a half ogre.  His soup sounds revolting so I politely decline a bowl.  He seems to think I am the expert torturer and says the current prisoner has not talked yet.  He has given him a few burns but not broken anything yet and has kept his hands chained up as per the masters command to stop him using magic.  Hmm that sounds like the very man we are looking for.  He jingles his keys and says lets go and get him.  Shall I attack or wait for him to come back?

I was hoping I would attack from behind, but I do not.  He is skill 8, stamina 14.  Oh how I wish for a higher skill score.  I also wish I had these dice before, he only hits me twice.  I still decide to eat my last two meals after the fight to get my stamina back up to 21.

I release the old man and I am told if I have a potion of heling or provisions I must give him them.  Erm I am really sorry but I just ate my last sandwich right here.  I slyly use my foot to hide the crumbs.  

This is indeed Alsander and I find his robes and give them to him.  He reveals that Mordraneth is not in Allansia and is actually in the Iron Crypts planning something evil from his Empire of illusions.  He is planning to harness a dreadful power and unleash the madness and death on Pollua.  He continues as Mordraneth has found a way to steal souls.  More accurately he is stealing the images and emotions of terrifying things from the spirits of the dead.

Fear of darkness, phobias, terror etc.  Using these he create illusions that have the power to cause madness and death to those that witness them.  He has found he gets the best results on recently dead killed by himself so he plans to unleash the illusionary army on Pollua.   He says he can only be stopped here and now and implores me to take up the challenge.  Which of course I do.  He says the Dark Elves will be here soon but has worked out how to modify spells to get them to work and he will teach me some.

I can pick three spells from - 

Dispel Fear          Negate effects of Fear but opponent gets a free hit

Dispel Illusion     Automatically destroy an illusion creature before a fight 

Fire Globe           Cause 6 points of damage on opponent before fight

Healing               Recover stamina equal to half you initial stamina (11 in my case) 

Luck                    Recover 3 luck points

Restore Skill        Recover 3 skill points

Speed                    Deduct 2 from opponents skill 

Well I have eaten all my food so I grab healing.  Also everything he just said was about Fear and Illusions so I take those two dispels as well.

He then points the way to go and teleports back to Pollua!

Yep he is tired from teaching me and instead of helping he buggers off back home to "warn people".  Bloody wizards, I tell you get rid of the lot of them.

He at least warns me of the Dark Elves in the next room so I hope to surprise them, but they are too fast.  At least as I am in the doorway I only have to face one at a time.  Skill 8 and 7 though.  But really low stamina.

So many draws.  But eventually they are both defeated, I am down to 15 stamina.  I get 8 gold pieces for my troubles.  But I find lots of food, elven bread!  Add 6 provisions.  I have never been so happy for provisions.  And immediately eat one.  That healing spell might be a bit of a waste now.

I ignore all the other treasure as I cant carry it.  Nothing is more precious than food in this game!  I find a teleporter and step on.

I find myself in a circular chamber with the walls shimmering and shifting like heat haze.  There is no sense of direction in the Empire of Illusions.  Instead you get three passageways.  A black one, a red one and a yellow one.  That is it, no clues.  My thought process goes like this.  Red is my favorite colour (Aberdeen) but it normally means danger.  Black in fantasy is normally associated with evil.  So I will go Yellow.

Everything changes and I am floating in the air.  An Eagle illusion attacks me but he is only skill 7.  BUT I also lose 2 skill as its not easy fighting in mid air when you are not used to it.  Its only stamina 8 so I decide not to burn through my spells yet now that I have food again.

It does not go great, and I am down to 13 stamina so as soon as the battle is over its time to tuck into two meals while floating in the air.  I then crash back down to the ground as a voice gloats over me saying welcome to my Empire, I don't think you will be here long.  I am now in a brown passage with one end turning black and the other green.  Green is good.

The route turns blue and the voice is back.  Saying I will die of fatigue, or maybe something else.  A huge wave then appears and I try to run.  Its in vain though as it reaches me and I drown.  

But I regain consciousness as I am lying on my stomach as someone slaps my back but I cough up nothing (yeah it was an illusion clearly, clues in the name).  This is confirmed by the thin young man called Parzan who is helping me.  He explains that as I thought I was drowning thinking I am getting the water out of my lungs helped.  Apparently he is Mordys apprentice but thinks he had gone mad and is making his escape.  He disappears leaving a golden flask that says should help.  Do I want to drink from it now or save for later.  Well stamina is high so ill hold onto it now.

The tunnel becomes a sewer which I need to wade through.  I see some nice rainbow lights up ahead but before I reach them the water starts to froth as a horde of rats appear.  Options are fight them, cast a speed spell, cast a dispel illusions spell, search your backpack or just run.  Well might as well look in the backpack.  

I then accidently break the game as I have none of the options and their is no option for don't have any of these.

Oops

So I decide to go back and just leg it.  And it only cost 2 stamina points.  I would have lost more than that in a fight.  It leads to a fork, a yellow/green section or rainbow.  Its got to be rainbow.

Sensing a feeling of goodness the chamber has rainbow lights and three semi-translucent human figures.  One says "Brave friend, not everything here has been corrupted by the wicked one.  He has not overcome all of us.  Let me give you a blessing to aid you."  He then stretches his hand towards my head.  I do not agree with non consensual touching, especially in an Empire of Illusion so I leg it.  

Yellow/Green, Azure or Ochre passage.  So yellow/green keeps coming up as an option so I feel that's where I should go.

Why did it have to be Snakes?

The options are not great, I can run for it, use a special glove (which I do not have) or cast dispel illusion.  Now this is not like running away from rats, Id have to go through the snakes, does not seem wise.  Since I do not have the glove I decide I might as well use my spell and dispel the illusion and it works.  Its Azure and Ocher again so I go Azure.

The tunnel turns black and I meet this guy.

Looks friendly enough.

This fellow is called Death Skull.  Because of fear I lose 1 skill and 2 stamina.  He is skill 9 stamina 10 so I would have a skill disadvantage so I use the Dispel fear and take the 2 point stamina hit.  But at least its a straight roll off.  

What rolls!  I knock him down to 2 stamina without getting hit!  But then he gets me back a few times before I finish him off.  Stamina count is at 13.  I eat 2 more meals.  Light airy passage or open iron gate and go down the frosty passage.  

I feel I have been doing this wrong and I should be aiming for the more scary option to find the evil lair.  So I go down the frosty tunnel.

Mordy's rubbish had been piling up due to the Isle of Despair's bin men being on strike.

I get the option to say a prayer to the dead which seems oddly specific and I do.  This lets me regain 1 skill and 1 luck (not lost any skill).  Light airy passage or dark brown?  Using the same tactic I go for dark brown.

It leads to a door which I force open (wish I could do that earlier) and it has a stone statue which pretty much vomits smoke from the mouth and a skeleton appears. I can fight or try and run past.  I feel my running has been too successful so far and I wont get away with it so lets fight.

Skill 7 Stamina 12.  He hits me twice and I decide to eat my very last bit of dark elf bread.  Blue or Violet.  Hmm is this going further on the rainbow?  I think ill try Violet.  

It a very rocky room full of cobwebs.  One of the bigger rocks sprouts some legs and turns out to be a big spider.  Its also got wings!  Of course I have fear so I can either use dispel illusion or fight.  Alas I've used that spell so its -1 skill and 2 points of stamina off so I have to fight.  Do you have a headband, no I wish I did though, sounds cool.  Skill 8 Stamina 12.  And with the fear its another straight roll off.  

Its quite a battle but my superior stamina sees me through but its single figures.  I decide to use the heal spell and back up to 20.  But that's it for healing now.  Stone steps lead up to a well lit chamber.  Its a palatial chamber with stone pillars, statues, wall hangings and flaming braziers.  Two sets of stone steps lead up to a balcony and their standing at the top is Mordraneth.  Crystalline dust glitters from his hand and falls to the floor and I realise he is casting a spell.  Do you cast speed, fireball or run up the left or right set of steps.  

Well no spells so 50/50 on the steps.  Always go left!  It feels like I am running through water, am I wearing a bronze ring?  Nope.  He hits me with fire globe for 6 stamina.  Am I wearing a silver ring?  Nope so I need to test my luck with the magical bolus spell he uses.   I pass!  But still lose 3 stamina points.  

I finally make it to him.  I have 11 stamina left.  But he is skill 10 and stamina 17.  Oh dear.  I need some miracle dice.

First roll I make is a double 6!  He then smacks me down to 5 stamina before I hit back and take him down to 13.  And that is as close as I get.  Killed by the big bad.  I could see it as well, if you win turn to 400.....

Notable Encounters - 

It was not just me that had problems with Giant Stormbirds!

They have been stealing this dudes eggs.

He is of course incapable of doing anything himself but is perfectly capable of cursing you if you do not help!  Why did you not use that power to curse the birds?  And don't tell me you did, I saw the dice that Storm Bird rolled against me!

Not only that but if you tell him you have already killed one he just says well that will make it even easier for you! 

Alkandi is the Shaman of the Island Natives, and also quite a salesman.

I will discuss the depiction of the art of the natives later but for now you find their settlement on the island where you can trade for a plethora of items.  Alkandi actually helps interpret the giants parchment for you and I would go as far and say this is a must visit location.  What accommodation you get and how well you sleep is directly tied to how generous you are.  But in good news they are not depicted as savages as I was worried that is where we were going.

I am saving the picture for the artwork section but their is a part in the iron crypts where a face in the wall starts breathing black smoke which kills you so it gives you a sense of urgency in the next few rooms as it keeps chasing you (and stops you retracing your steps).  There is a magic sword to pickup here if you are brave enough.

This looks like an epic scene with a minotaur standing over the broken body of an elf.  But your character just goes nope and "hurries past the scene".  Sensible.  

 

Not all Orcs are bad!  You can have a drink and gamble with these guys until they pass out!  Just don't take your own tankard, turns out it belonged to their mate! 

The Dining Hall is also interesting as you get to bluff your way out as another option to just fighting.  My favorite option is just ignoring the guard and pretending everything is normal.

Or you can play it another way and kill him and then discover all his bureaucracy that goes on in the dungeon.   

Yep nothing made me hate Mordraneth more than discovering his note to the guard telling them to get on with extracting a confession from the prisoner.  Its just that not required nonsense from management that we all suffer from!  Oh no boss I thought we would just leave him, just as well you sent that...

In game terms though its a good story beat as I was wondering how Alsander and myself were able to cast spells when we had been specifically told only Mordraneth's magic would work.  Turns out old Mordy was also wandering how Alsander was getting around it.

The whole Empire of Illusion section is interesting as well.  Having the doors work as portals took the pressure off that I imagine the author was under having to map the logistics of another section.  It also allows for very different set pieces to be put next to each other without having to make sense.  Turns out that guy trying to bless me was actually trying to help!

Its Horace!

At one point you find two orcs fighting each other.  You can actually help one and befriend him afterwards and have a chat.  You can also of course just kill him as well and search the room.  But your betrayal leads to being bitten by Horace who is described as having a tooth abscess which is making him more vicious than usual.  
 

Artwork -

It is the one and only Russ Nicholson back on the art.  Definitely one of the Mount Rushmore of Fighting Fantasy illustration.  Having him back made it feel like one of the early adventures which I very much enjoyed.  In the past I have been a bit critical that even though the main part of the illustration were good the backgrounds tend to be too empty.  This does happen a bit as seen with the Lizardman but also here.

This has to be one of the worst illustrations I have ever come across.

This also looks like its been vomited onto the page.

But I am very pleased to say the are very much in the minority and the illustrations are very good.  His strong points are without a doubt Orcs and Skeletons.  From my playthrough I really like the Giant Storm Bird attack, the chained man and the Death skull.  But the best was the mass grave.  Its just so eerie and captures the tone brilliantly.  

From above as well the drinking Orcs are exactly what Fighting Fantasy Orcs look like.  He is best for sure at depicting monsters rather than scenes, but I was hoping to use those pieces in the Menagerie section below and talk about them there.

The thieving sprite!  Option to throttle to death.

 

Guard having a nap.  Do not kill him in his sleep, that is inhuman.  Instead wake him up and then kill him. 

Prophetic wall carving that does not give you an advantage at all and instead just scares you.

Its much more epic to release Alsander and let him do his thing.  Even if he looks very different to the description.

Meeting the Natives for the first time.

Because this book was 1988 and I saw the art for the natives I was a bit worried.  But the way its written and the pictures are not too bad.  Alkandi is probably slightly worse.  But I do not believe its fair to judge things against modern sensibilities.  But to be safe I will stay away from this.  But the art is amazing.

With the right items you can summon your own illusions as well!  Take that rats!

 

But my favorite is this guy.  Pure awesome!

Big Bad - 

Mordraneth has had better days.

Is anyone else having fatigue with evil wizards?  But we need to be fair and judge Mordraneth on his own merits.

And he is one of my more favored villains we have seen.  He has a slightly different master plan of extracting the dead's fears to use against the living.  And he built his own Empire of Illusions, not a bad effort.  

If you remember in my playthrough I met his apprentice.  Well that's actually Mordraneth is disguise and he does all that just to try and trick you into drinking some vinegar.  Its not even damaging, its just him trolling you for his own giggles.  Got to give him credit for that.  He always seems prominent as well in the adventure.  Whether its seeing his instructions in the crypts or his booming voice in the Empire of Illusions.  And we were not even meant to be going after him, this was just meant to be a rescue mission.  But he is here because he saw through Vanestin's original bluff and double bluffed him!  

But he is not infallible as seen by his annoyance that Alsander has figured out how to circumvent his any one but his own magic blocking. 

As for the final encounter itself its good as its not straight up combat.  Yes it gets to that and he is very beatable as only skill 10.  But its the lead up of decisions and spells.  Although you should be disadvantaged here as he is a master wizard and you literally just learnt your first three spells minutes ago.  But this brief exchange is enough to give it a bit of flavour before the combat.

Menagerie - 

The largest section of the book is the Iron Crypts which is full of Goblins/Orcs/Ogres/Trolls etc.  It is not a lot of different creatures here but for what they are its fine.  It was very reminiscent of Warlock.

But their does appear to be a bit of a bird theme!  As well as the two Giant Storm Birds, their is the birdman and a Razorbeak.  Hopefully after the defeat of Mordy, the Isle of Despair can set up as a bird watching island.

A lot of the battles as well are only battles if you attack.  The Giant Crab, The Sea Giant (lots of Giants) have other options that avoid battle.

The Specter will take a skill point every time he hits.  Which means if he hits you a couple of times its all over.

Hobgoblins fighting over the right to kill a herbalist.  Do not take them on two at once!  Awesome art here by the way!

Blue Dragons shoot lightning rather than fire.

Dark Priests use magic as well as being tough hand to hand opponents.  Just look how shocked that Orc is!

Floating Death Balloon!

Ok I need to talk about the Diadrone.  Coming up with a unique new fantasy creature is not as easy as it sounds.  And then having to illustrate it, good luck with that.  I think it looks fantastic.  Ridiculous but fantastic.  But I fired the description into the AI to see what it would create.

2026 Diadrone

Entertaining Deaths - 

A very limited selection of instant deaths in this book.  Very different to the books we have been seeing!

Listening to music.  Turns out to be Wraiths who drain your life. 

Killing a troll and not knowing the password to open the door.  Black smoke comes through the other door and turns you to nothing but bone.

Trying to run through a pit of snakes (told you that was a bad idea)!

Tying to run through a corridor of closing walls and getting crushed.  Its an illusion but you die anyway.

Running away from an imaginary Dragon.

The winner for this book though is - Being slowly absorbed by a stone shapeshifter BUT only after being forced to eat a meal or lose 1 point of stamina in the same paragraph!

Pete's Corner - 

The Sea Giant gets very angry if you kill his pet crab, but what would Mungo's family say?

Final Thoughts - 

So when mapping out the book I realised I made an error.  After not having the ebony key it said go to 171.  I then had a break and came back and had my bookmark in.  172 asks if I had an ebony key, which I thought was where I was.  And I followed that and ended up in the wrong place and missed a chunk.  What were the chances of that!?  

I did not really enjoy my playthrough but that was not the books fault.  I made a stupid decision at the start to run from the bird and coupled with it kicking my ass I felt I was always on the back foot, trying to avoid encounters.  I could have been enjoying all the crews food and a free jar of ointment instead!

After mapping it out though the book is actually very fair.  I think two or three more runs and you would be able to complete it.  The items are not necessary and do not lock you out of winning the game, they just make some encounters easier.  Also nothing is really above skill 10 and I fancy if I just had 1 more skill point (10) I would have beat the book.  

What is difficult is getting into multiple combats.  The way it reads is really unclear and I read it as you combine the skill scores and roll 2d6 for each, but that cant be right as you will never win.  I just do not think I have understood it right but it should be clearer.

I really liked how Keith/Carl has built it though.  And by that I mean you can backtrack so much.  You can go forward and he will give you a brief description, like hearing a noise and one of the options is almost always or you can head back and go the other way.  Also you get a lot of options to talk or fight, so this one feels more like a mini RPG in a book than some other titles, which given his history makes sense.

It does not always work though.  As you saw in my playthrough I was presented with four items but I had none of them and no option to say that.  And when you come across the face in the wall it says your medallion shines brightly.  But what if you don't have the medallion?  I maybe wrong but mapping it out I think you can loop back and have to face the Eagle in the Empire of Illusions twice.  If you pick Yellow 362 and face the Eagle and pick Black from there, once you have done its event you get the option to go to Brown which is 362 and back at the Eagle.

Gold is also a bit of a waste, once you trade at the village you have no use for it and that is really early on, but you keep collecting it throughout the adventure but it is ever needed apart from one piece at the fountain.

The Iron Crypts are full of low skill Orcs and Goblins, these are by far weaker than what you face on the surface at the start.  I always think a gamebook should build.  I would have had the lower skills on the surface and made the enemies in the crypts slightly higher, building as you make your way further in.

Also I was a bit disappointed in the writing.  But only as I had higher expectations.  Plenty paragraphs are fine but once in the Iron Crypts it gets a bit samey.  What he did well in some places would give you good information to make a decision.  Like on the island having a skull mark one path and blood feathers the other.  Or you hear a tearing noise coming from that direction.  Its not much but anything to not make it a random choice helps.  But then they do sneak in.  Which of these three doors do you want to go through, which direction of this tunnel to go down?  You could argue the Empire of Illusion is the same but I think the colours do give a bit of an idea.  Its just frustrating to see it well done in some places and not all in others.  Sticking with this theme of writing, why do I keep being told I need a light source?  Either a lantern of magic sword.  You always have your lantern so just say you use the light of your lantern,  it just reads strangely. 

Speaking of the writing the end is very anti climatic.  I expected more than the half page saying the souls all leave him and you wonder if the captain has the boat back so you go to find out.  

Their is also a bit of illusion of choice, when I got blasted by the Dark Priest illusion it turned out it did not matter which of the 3 choices I took, I was going to have the same result.  

But we must applaud A magic sword that lets you go +1 skill even past initial skill that applies to combat only!  Thank You!  Even the chainmail lets you go +1 skill but only if you are not skill 11 or 12 as you are already good enough that it does not make a difference.  Great game play balancing there.

And the addition of spells near the end added a bit of variety as well.  Its not super fleshed out but more like a garnish on top of the gameplay.  If its that easy to learn magic though, no wonder there are so many wizards running around!

The story is decent, for another evil wizard tale.  The twist that Mordraneth can be reached is not very shocking at all, we all knew we would be facing him.  But the build up was fine and I felt Mordraneth himself was well done and made his presence felt.  And his final battle was just unique enough to make it interesting.  But we need to get way from evil wizards threatening the lands as its starting to have diminishing returns.

It did feel like an upgraded Warlock of Firetop mountain though.  The Iron Crypts felt very similar to that book and I think having Russ Nicholson behind the pens just added to that feeling.  There were a couple of terrible pieces of art in this book but the majority were excellent and I think even better than his earlier work, which might be controversial.  If I ever need a goblinod or skeleton he is the man to call.  The whole illustration is their to tell a story now and he has got rid of the bland backgrounds.  

All in all this was a blast from the past adventure.  Until you get the spells its stripped back to the basic rules.  The Island is pretty sparse before it just becomes a standard dungeon crawl.  But that's sometimes what we need.  I do not want to be constantly punished or going after items all the time.  I would call it a pallet cleanser before the next course.  It is by no means a bad book, its just not fantastic either.  

That cover though!

Score 6 out of 10.

Sky Lord

Background -

It is yet another late night at Puffin HQ.  Phillipa is pouring over a mass of manuscripts.  They are divided into two piles.  One is considerably taller than the other.  Sighing she calls on the intercom for her PA.

A young nerdy youth comes in.

Phillipa "Take these manuscripts will you.  This one is to go to the publishers.  Tell them to get it out now.  No mucking about, we are behind schedule and it has to be printer immediately.  The rest, take to the incinerator, they must never see the light of day!  Am I clear?

PA "Yes mam, ill get right on that straight away for you."

Phillipa turns around to look out into the night sky from her office as the PA puts the piles together and leaves in a hurry.  As he makes his way down the twisting corridors of beige he does not see Ian walking the other way.

They collide, sending papers everywhere.  Ian is aghast as the coffee spills over his nice shirt.

Ian "For Titans sake, watch where you are going!"

He tuts as he moves on in disgust.  The PA though just looks at the piles of paper.  He has no idea which one was to go to the publisher.

Picking one up he looks at the title, Sky Lord.  Well this would have to be it.  Hopefully it was not one of the ones that should have been burned.

It is summer of 1988 when Sky Lord came out and it is another new author, Martin Allen.  He has co authored Clash of Princes before but I doubt I will ever review those.  Now I remember Sky Lord from the cover, so I know I played it.  But I have no recollection of anything about it.  I was never a fan of Sci Fi ones but I am aware of this books reputation as being the one that finally killed of Sci Fi in Fighting Fantasy.  So I am not going in with high hopes.  Other than that, terrible books are actually easier to find comedy in.

Covers - 

Well the yellow background is certainly striking.  I do not mind it.  I think the jet bike thing has a lot of Star Wars about it.

The crazy black limbed, tentacled creature is certainly something.  His mouth takes up the entirety of his face.  I love how instead of hands, the tentacles are wrapped around the handlebars.

I remember seeing this one a lot at the library.  I think the colour scheme helped it stand out.

But I do have a problem.  Why is he wearing a red scarf?  For one thing, it is a clear safety hazard when riding a space bike! It could get caught on anything!  And why is it the only piece of clothing it is wearing?  Maybe the neck is the naughty area of these creatures.

Premise - 

The first section is called about your star system.  We start with finding out about yourself.  I have my own name!  I am Sky Lord Jang Mistral, an elite solar trooper and special agent of the 16th aeon!  A bold move to be named as it takes away a bit from it being you.  A pretty bad ass name though.  Oh and on a small side note I have four arms, no biggie.

My home planet is Ensulina and it is just one of the thousands of worlds in the Faluksh star chain, home to a wide array of worlds.  From baking hot solar flares to cold lifeless husks, home to galactic pirates and space desperadoes.  However there are plenty of nice worlds as well with diverse life forms. 

I belong to race called Ensulvars who have come from two ancient nations.  The dawn time Enzuls and the war like Ivars.  The Ivars invaded and eventually the two races mixed creating four armed humanoids and kept the best traits of each ancestor race.  We are very respected, especially by two armed humanoids!  Ha, look at those losers over there with just two arms!

During the 12th aeon though there were bad times as a vast galactic war broke out.  Two races had been secretly amassing vast fleets and their armies attacked each other.  They are the Fethps who are greedy two headed reptiles and the Deik, large purple molluscoids of unknown origins.  Both ravaged the galaxy and my lot were conquered by the Deik and forced to make weapons for them.

Eventually though in the 13th aeon the two aggressors had sapped each others strength and a rebellion led by the human Ari Skyfarer (not a Skywalker of course) using the weapons they had been forced to create, both races were driven from the star system.

For his efforts, Ari was made Grand Emperor (oh no that does not sound good) and in order to keep everlasting peace the council of Star Kings was formed.  Each Star King rules a world (ours is called King Vaax) and they meet every 500 days to work out any disputes peacefully.  If they need to sort out trouble they use the Imperial Guard (cough storm troopers cough) or heroic solar troopers, which I am one of.

On my planet of Ensulina you have to earn the title of Lord.  My exceptional skill and courage earned me my first title when I was only 20.  I have only got better as well and my most recent title is Sky Baron, earned after capturing Olaf Tharkin and his band of solar cut throats.  Now King Vaax has summoned me and the other lords for a a new mission.  But before we tell you what that is here is how to play the game. 

We will ignore that part and address it in the playthrough.  For now lets move on to the Mission Briefing.

King Vaax had a major-domo called L'Bastin.  He was basically running the Kings household staff.  But he gets into cybernetics and genetic engineering.  So he buys a lot of kit and scientific publications for his new hobby.  The only thing is all this costs a fair amount of money and L'Bastin gets himself into considerable debt.  Kind of like me with Warhammer.

So old L'Bastin goes to the King and asks for a pay rise on his current modest wage.  However the King tells him that nobody has had a pay rise in over 200 years and any pay rise would set a dangerous precedent and undermine the entire economy.  L'Bastin was very upset at his stingy ruler as the economy had never been better.  Sounds like Martin Allen has had this conversation in real life.

L'Bastin then comes up with a cunning plan.  He starts firing all the staff and replacing them with clones from his lab.  These clones give him their pay packet and he is able to clear his debts.  

Free of this financial burden, L'Bastin amuses himself by creating whimsical creatures such as the spider fly.  He gets a bit fed up eventually and decides he must create the perfect life form.  Unfortunately this would require a specific expensive piece of kit called a metramorphosal hydrolizer.  

In order to fund this L'Bastin comes up with another scheme and starts selling the Kings stuff.  Pawning it off, which is easy since its pretty much all his clones doing the work.  However it goes wrong when he sends Ben Frumpet to the pawnbrokers.

While the fake Ben is trying to sell a piece of art, the real Ben Frumpet shows up to pawn his own stuff since he is on hard times after losing his job at the palace.  Real Ben overpowers his fake and takes him to the police.  L'Bastin's schemes are uncovered and after a trial he is sacked, his lab demolished and he is thrown onto the streets.

Are we done with this madness?  Nope we still have time for another L'Bastin scheme.  This time he disguises himself as a famous plastic surgeon and offers the Kings wife, Broomhilda, some free treatment.  Being the devious devil he is, he gives her a massive nose, saucer discolored eyes and .... ahem... a large pineapple attached to her scalp.  This of course is not discovered until her bandages are removed 10 days later, by which time L'Bastin has fled the planet.

Our man has successfully hidden now for a number of years but word has come from a bounty hunter that he is on Aarok, a fortress of a planet that was once abandoned due to a massive radiation spill.  The bounty hunter captured a mutant who fessed up that L'Bastin had been experimenting on the locals.  Rumours say he has bred his perfect life form.  Dog headed super soldiers called Prefectas which he is in the process of cloning an army of.   

Fortress Aarok has a cacophony of defenses that make it invincible to a full scale invasion force.  But luckily for us Fighting Fantasy players a lone invader can sneak in and disable the planet defence system under the dome of marvels.  

Ok so get to the planet, sneak in, switch off the planetary defences, let the fleet land and get the bad guy.  And if I do all this they will let me rule the planet!   

Wow if that felt long, it was, and I have greatly truncated it!  The world building for the star system section was pretty good but the Mission briefing is wild.  L'Bastin just had scheme after scheme.  And grafting a pineapple onto the queens head, its gone from serious world building to comedy.  

Playthrough - 

Now we have a look at the abilities.  We start off with usual Skill, Stamina and Luck.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  We get provisions but in Sci-Fi standard we do not get Cheese and Ham sandwiches but instead provision tablets, which also happen to restore 4 points of stamina.  No word on their flavour.

We also start with 10 credits of money.  I have no idea if that's a lot or not.

We have two types of combats.  Personal Combat is just the normal battle rules but we also have rules for combat weapon clashes.

These rules are different where it has a rating number, lasers and shields.  It starts with rating where we roll 1-3 and your rating is 3 and 4-6 and your rating will be 4.  

We start a combat weapon attack by comparing ratings.  Whoever has the highest goes first.  The attacker then rolls a d6, if the number is less or equal to their lasers score then the defender has to reduce their shields count by 2.  Then the roles change and you take it turn until someone's shields are reduce to zero.  

If you win and your opponent had a higher rating than you, your rating goes up by 1.

My ship the Starspray in all its glory!

Skill - 9

Stamina - 18

Luck - 7

Rating - 4

Lasers - 4

Shields - 12

Well that was a poor set of rolling but at least I got the higher rating.  Also looking at the adventure sheet there is a section saying Oxygen supply with 10 units.  No mention of it in the rules but I can imagine it won't be good.

Blast off!

We get the big countdown from 10 before we take off and enter the warp lane.  I am told from this lane we must steer into a more appropriate lane for galactic travel.  Either time travel in the 4th dimension, or light travel in the 6th dimension.  Each has its advantageous and dangers over the other.  Which way?  Oh wait so you are not going to tell me what the advantageous and dangers are?  Even though I am a sky baron super agent dude and veteran of many successful missions?  Well do we go left or right, pretty much a fancy blind t-junction!    Ok do we go Doctor Who (David Tenant of course, why even ask?) and time travel.  Or do we go Star Wars and fire up the hyper drive and go to light speed?  Well time travel seems super dangerous so I am going for light speed.

Firing into the light warp and the universe fold in on itself and I can reach anywhere in a millionth of a second just by entering the appropriate portion of the colour spectrum.  Before I can reach Aarok though someone is shooting missiles at me.  A red rocket scooter appears from a higher dimension.  Its rider is black tendrilled creature that wears a scarlet choker the marks of the Fahbad Redneck gang!  They are from the 33rd plane and he gestures rudely at me before attacking.   Ah this sounds just like our friend from the cover.  Wow Redneck, see what they did there.

So why does the picture look like this and not the guy on the cover!!??

Well he is Rating 4 so as I do not exceed him it means he goes first.  Lasers 5 and Shields 8.  Wait so he goes first and only misses on a 6?  What the hell?  I have to not roll a 5 or 6 to hit.  Amazingly he misses, but just once and and I have lost half my shields on the first go.  I do not miss.  We have the same rating but I guess that does not mean he has a higher rating, even though he went first anyway, so no plus 1 for me!

The Redneck slams into my Starships tail which luckily still has some shields so I exit light warp early.  Wait I thought it only took a millionth of a second?  Anyway, back in real space I extinguish the smoking pods and clear the blood streak left behind.  About now I decide to use the less dangerous time-warp.... Yeah thanks for telling me that now.  Before I do though a monstrous black hulk appears and I get the option to investigate.  Keen not make this trip using light-warp a complete waste of time, I go for a look.

It is a big space station and it is emitting some kind of distress code so I dock for a look.  But there is an auto drone shooting at me.  It has rating 6 so its bound to go first.  Its lasers are 4 and shields 7.  Great so we are even but he has 1 shield more than me and goes first. 

I then proceed to roll the most amount of 5 and 6s in a row I've ever rolled in my life.  I can honestly say it went into double figures.  How this played out must have played out for any NPC watching must have been really cringe as we both keep missing each other.  It eventually blows me up though and its game over.  Ok I think the ship combat is completely broken.  Not the concept, but the stats given to the ships.

This would make a poor blog so I decide to restart without rerolling any stats and instead use time travel.

Time traveling is also a crazy wash of colours.  I think Mr Allen might have liked Pink Floyd.  Anyway it takes six minutes real time to reach Aarok but after two minutes I find some space weed growing in the time warp energy field.  It could spread and choke the thruster and blow up the spacecraft.  Do I ignore the fungus or risk exiting time warp to cut it away?  

Well after my last experience of leaving the warp I am in I decide to press on.  And the ship blows up.

Ok third time lucky but this is the last one.

I of course decide to stop and sort out the dangerous weed.  

It is just as well I stopped as that could have been really dangerous.  The fungus has grown to an enormous size covering the starboard thruster and has changed to a light blue colour.  I can leave the ship to cut it off or search for a planet to pass through its atmosphere to burn it off.  Well that sounds dangerous so ill go for a space walk.

Well turns out its alive and has Skill 8 Stamina 6.  It hits me once before I defeat it.  But apparently I only retreat back to the space ship and then decide the only way to do anything is to find a planet to burn it off.  Ok then....

I find a planet on my scanscope and its only 26 million miles away.  I set cruising speed and wait for 5 hours to get there.  But before I get there a silver sting ray shaped ship materializes from another dimension.  A ship used by thee Pelhon Rangers, a misguided band of galactic vigilantes.  They attack me.  Not sure why, I do not get to speak to them and if they are vigilantes why do they think I am bad? 

Oh Joy, another space fight.  They are Rating 5 so always going to go first.  Lasers 5 so they only miss on a 6 and shields 8.

I unfortunately miss a couple of times and it blows me out of the sky and I am dead.  It is not even that I rolled poor stats as my ships stats are given at the start.  Terrible, dead 3 times with only a few pages turned.  Not often the premise takes longer than the playthrough.

Notable Encounters - 

The space station I tried to land on is infested with orange jelly blobs.  One poor gent is being devoured by one and tells you its quite painless but that its a shame you did not turn up earlier.  He advises not to shoot your gun as the gas leak will ignite.  Would a gas leak not be killing you anyway?  With the gas?

If you make it to the stations sports hall you can play some snooker.  Glad to see snooker is such a universal sport.  Of course instead of continuing to flee for your life you decide to play a bit of a game and after breaking off and potting a red, decide to pot the orange ball.  Only to then realise there is no orange ball and its a baby jelly blob.

We also have Barty Baxter!  A good space sci fi name that....  If you shake his hand he turns out to be another orange jelly. 

Or flee from a blob on a scooter as it chases you on a motorized trolley.

The only way to stop the blobs is to feed it enough stuff so you can get away.  But not all stuff is equal.  It is pure luck what each item does, and good lord there are a lot of items.  Lets have a look at some of the best ways to avoid being eaten by a jelly orange blob.

Top things to feed a blob - 

Tibia Bone
Cinnamon Stick
Chewing Gum
Hypodermic Syringe
Oxygen Cylinder
Laminex Sheet
Leg of Mutton
Strawberries
Can of Beer
Poison

Top things not to feed the blobs - 

Wrist Watch
A Robots metal arm
Jar with a pickled brain
Flame Torch
Chair
Teapot
Cricket Bat (you can tell this was before Shawn of the Dead)
Weed Killer
Broom
Sonic Screwdriver 

These guys are farming energy from a star, not really caring about the millions of lives.

So the King sends you on a mission to save this star system from the Starfire Valoog.  You get a cacophony of options to fight this thing.  So many different moves but instead of barrel rolls they have funky names.  Most end with you being blown up and killed.  You have to take the boring options to find weak spots.  It could have been cool, like an epic x-wing v star destroyer but the options are odd.

Do you want to try your anti-detector defences, select the image intensifier scanscope, activate the atomic polarizer, press the flashing orange button or fly at Mach speed, etc etc.  There is a lot of these options which makes it sound pretty cool.  Well it would be if you knew what any of these would do.  But despite being a top secret space agent you get no indication at all on what each option is or would do.  They are glorified t-junctions.  

But this is still better than if you get sent after the pirates on the ship called the Grand Archipelago.  Here its the same battle against a large ship but instead of options like before, here you get stats of your pitch, roll and yaw (numerical values) and its compared to the enemy ship along with your relative speeds.  Then you are asked what you want to change.  Now the aim is to get all of them to match the enemy ship which means getting behind it.  But you only find that out after you do it, not before!  Which means you are just guessing.  For example at one point you get the option to increase speed to 4000, which of course gets you hit by a nuclear bomb.... 

If I had managed to get rid of the pesky space weed I would have crash landed on a planet after being hit by lightning.  No matter what you do the Star Spray is pretty much destroyed.  However by then you have picked up a droid which goes off to find its odd master called Krill which just so happens to be on this world.  Its very much Star Wars.  This version of Yoda can manipulate time though and if you help him fight the evil Shaine who is turning the locals into mutants, he reverses time and you get your ship back.  Why he can not manipulate time to sort out his Shaine problem though is not made clear....  Not that you will actually win the space fight with her ship at the end.  Oh and watch out for the jelly fish bounty hunters.

Crash landing in a swamp (a lot of crashing so far) and escaping into a bell shaped ship.  On board you can have your arm ripped off by a robot shaking your hand.  It then puts a tentacle on instead.  Closely followed by meeting some robots called bric and brac who try and blast you unless you answer a question which in my opinion the answer makes no sense.  The owner of the craft dies from all the excitement.  

Just wait until you get to the desert sky pirates naming schemes.

This fine gentleman is known as captain big ears, because he of course has big ears.  He is one of two captains that are fighting.  The other captain, is captain long nose.  His nose is so ling you see it peering over the ship before you see him.  Its certainly a choice.

You can avoid the pirates by being captured by space spiders.  These guys are intelligent and you have to escape a cocoon before becoming the queens next meal.  You get the option to feign death which it turns out you have mastered the art of, but you only find that out AFTER you pick the option.  You would think you would know this when making the choice.

We get the Sky Lord equivalent of the Star Wars Cantina with a visit to the Deiks inn.  We are hear to steal a brain and not wake the Deik up.  Of course we get some impossible choices such as going to the drinking pits and getting this choice to make -

Absolutely no idea, you will probably wake up the Deik.  Lets head over to the bar instead.

This guy is so startled he spills his drink.  And of course wakes up the Deik.

Lets play it safe and just stand next to the candle.  You are a candle are you not? Oh god stop screaming!  You will wake up the Deik.

So its pretty safe to say that you wake up the Deik.  I would love to describe him but I can not even begin to explain it.  Would have been nice to have a picture, but instead we have an alien dropping his drink and a screaming candle.

This leads into more madness.  The Sphere of three trials.  Where do I even begin.  Okay so the Deik has a magic sphere that sounds for all the money like a snow globe with a castle in it.  Well you get warped into it.

Raiden from mortal combat shows up to ask you how many stars there are in the system.

I could not find a reference to knowing this, must have missed it.  It can't be another random choice could it?  

Next challenge please!

You have to fight all four of his arms separately as you are clearly disadvantaged by the amount of arms... wait a minute do I not also have four arms? 

Anyway if you beat him its challenge number three and this is where it gets really wild!  So from what I can work out (and its not that easy to just read it) you and the Deik are in two bubble like vehicles that are slowly sinking and they have open vents so you will eventually drown.  You are both locked in and the key to each hatch is on each others vehicle.   Your bubble car thing comes with a grabber and a host of described weapons.  How does it work?  Well the Deik does not tell you and instead you get choices like these. 

There are loads more like this and its just completely random.  I can not even begin to describe how bad this whole thing is.

But why are you even looking for an alien brain?

Because it powers Zud's fancy wheelchair.

But why help this guy?  Well because when you meet him he somehow tricks you with a cylinder that goes into your chest.  Inside said device is a creature called Gnasha which apart from sounding like something out of the Beano, is slowly eating its way out.  

Of course he still tries to kill you after you give him the brain.  But luckily you were really clumsy and stood on the brain earlier so it does not work that well.

But getting it removed actually hinders you later on where Gnasha can actually free you from another situation. 

 

If you thought the writing has been bad already.....

These two are Kogo and Woderick.  You are meant to think Woderick is in charge but its actually the three eyed cat controlling the human.  Of course it does not work perfectly and has given him a really bad lisp.  Which even gets explained if it was not obvious enough.  

Anyway, these two easily overpower you no matter what you do and you get sent to the torture chamber where you meet the equally well named Dr Strangething.  The good doctor was the previous owner of the mansion that you are now imprisoned in and the two rouges have captured him and looking for the magic crystal Dr Strangething has created as it can teleport you instantly anywhere.  But you need the cursor to make it work which is hidden and they have not found it yet.

Hopefully you escape, with or without Gnasha's help.  And when you do, you and the doctor have to get across a really trippy puzzle which is found on the front cover.  Well it is on my book but apparently some versions did not even have it.

Watch the colours!

Each time you step on a tile all the colours change.  So you need to keep track.  Which would be fine on a console game, its really not that fun on a gamebook.  There is no real reason for it other than, its there.

Anyway get across and the Doctor climbs up his clock tower.  But the evil cat turns up and traps you and the doctor sends down one of the clock hands which is the cursor.  However he throws the wrong hand down and the bad guys fall for it and get zapped out of existence and you get to use the real one.

We also meet Sam the Snail, who looks like a slug (so not a snail).  He is another of L'Bastin's creations.  He has escaped and appears to be gardening these days in the abandoned city.  However L'Bastin has sent people out to hunt him so asks you to help out.  He gives you a clapped out boat while they have a nice sleek one.  So just like most vehicle combats its near impossible to win as they will go first and your shields are a lot lower.  However you get some rock salt for your efforts, which sounds terrible but its the key to winning.

But if you win you get treated to this scene, although I had to work out what it actually was as it did not really have any resemblance to the text.  No pic of Sam the snail! 

You do get another companion as well.  Marsatu is a trader that is wondering around the city.  He takes you to his mansion and he has a servant called Bok.  The first problem is you can accidently drink foot ointment.  Why he does not tell you what it is before hand I don't know.  You can have a wander around the mansion and get into lots of different problems.  Like putting on a suit and jumping between dimensions and ending up in the kitchens fighting the chef.  Marsatu offers you a selection of items to pick to help you.  What he does not say is that its a trade and just takes your Laser Sword from you.  And each gift he gives you is a disaster.  My favorite back fire is when the robo dog attacks you instead with you shouting at it to heel as Marsatu cries with laughter.     

Marsatu takes you to see Giant Jym Ego who controls a roundabout that can send you anywhere you need to go.  Ah so a Magic Roundabout....

Seems to be a lot of special transportation devices.  Of course though its another game, also on the inside front cover... sometimes. 

I forgot to mention we are riding a giant grasshopper, for reasons...

You have to joust the others but you have to move the rings, your opponents also have rules for moving circles and if there is clear path you can attack.  And to make it tougher you have to beat them in four turns.  Its all very complicated but I guess you could work it out.  However if you have the right item it can tell you the correct sequence.  Its a strange mini game.

Oh and Marsatu turns on you when you get past it, its should be a shock but its so obvious by then it is not a surprise.

Finally I will call out the Yappies.  These are the scientist currently breeding more of the super soldiers.  But if you given them a walkman tuned to the funkiest station in the galaxy you get lines like -

"Cool Man Thing, Rock my cosmic marbles"

"This is terrifco"

"Ok we will keep the beat box and you can space out o'here"

Yeah those are actual lines near the climax of the book.  

Artwork - 

Tim Sell is the artist for this one.  We last saw him back in House of Hell which I said was a mixed bag but overall thought it was quite good.  I do not think he was quite as into this one, but the sci fi art has always been poorer in my opinion.  The biggest issue here is that some of the descriptions are so wild we need some art to help us.  But I feel Tim went, erm nope and stuck with some safer ones.

The Starfire Valoog is my favorite and the jellyfish is quite good, but the rest we have seen so far have been poor.  

Here is me dying, happens a lot.  Forgot I had four arms.

Here is a Glip riding a grasshopper.  Very sci-fi...

Lets try again for Sci-Fi how about a fantasy looking beetle and scorpion hybrid...

Right how is this for Sci-Fi, its a spaceship but only from behind with a word clip art 97 background.

Look just copy War of the Worlds yeah?

Ok I think I get it, how about this?

Just go back to fantasy and give the thing a gun.

Big Bad - 

In case you are still reading or caring there is a twist at the end.  Just a warning in case you are going to play this book....

So things have gone south for L'Bastin by the time we find him as his super soldier Prefecta's have decided they do not need him and have put him in a torture tank.

L'Bastin?  Is that you?

Marsatu is shocked as well and we are all imprisoned.  The tank is a Crumps tank and it sounds awful.  Suspended upside down in a tank of liquid with a device for breathing and speaking (or screaming) into.  In the water are tinselfish which have metal teeth to eat flesh.  How much they eat depends on how deep quills are inserted into the machine.  It is diabolical and also a huge tone shift from the rest of the book.

Marsatu plays the role of bumbling flunky.  He is also one of L'Bastin's creations and he snaps and tries to kill him in the chamber.  You have to stop him and get L'Bastin out, that way he gives you an escape route and the way to save the day.  

Its quite a change around that you end up working with him and probably the best thing about the book.  But make no mistake about it, L'Bastin is a bad dude.  You get a lot about his backstory and it kind of resonates for a bit.  I feel the author put his own feelings into it with the lack of pay rise and it seems he is fantasizing about what he would do to his boss (in this case the king).  But he does go off the deep end and we see evidence of that on Aarok with his experiments roaming about trying to live their lives.  

But no final end boss fight, he just dies at the end after you get him out.  Its not a forgiveness arc though, he just hates the fact this has been done to him and wants his creations to pay and gives you the ability to stop them.

Menagerie - 

Well its Sci Fi and this book is trippy so you get a lot of madness here.  Most creatures are humanoid and most get named things like Bald-Headed Rogue or Feather-Faced Rogue or Foppish Dignitary.  Also what has Martin Allen got against Chefs?  You end up fighting two of them!

Guess the name of this guy?  Bet you didn't say Fog Farkin!

Where can I begin with Fog Farkin?  Well for a start we only see his head in the artwork, but apparently he has no arms and a couple of legs.  He is a Charg and he sticks his tongue on your face to suffocate you.  This is why you need the oxygen as its a race against time to get out and it plays a little bit like the cyclops fight in Seas of Blood.  Then if you escape its a normal fight.  Oh and he wears pyjamas.  

The Ogre Oid is a space Ogre.  But space ogres are only skill 6.

How about the Gooblepotomus?  Which its pretty much just a talking hippo.

The Brutes are described as warty brute and red nose brute.  Yeah red nose is clearly his defining feature, not the two heads......

If you try and hide in a ventilation shaft, you find a red hooded terrorist also hiding in it.  No word on what he is a terrorist of.  Might have even been on the same side but you just fight.

Yep Killer Krun and his gang are Cosmic Jellyfish.  With erm.... a very dated Mexican accent and calls you a Gringo.

The Gruesome Armatilda, whatever that is.

The perfect being!

The Prefecta's are the pinnacle of L'Bastin's experiments and why you are on a mission to stop them.  They show up in various occasions but to be honest they wouldn't even last five paragraphs in an Ian Livingston Allansia adventure.  But why Prefecta, prefects were older kids at school?  Why not Perfecta?

Entertaining Deaths - 

Shaking Barty Baxters Hand and he turns into a orange gelatinous cube and eats you.

Trying to outrace an orange jelly bob on a scooter.  It catches you and eats you as its a great trolley driver.

Getting nuked.  In many different ways.

Changing into a mutant and being led by a silver chain onto Schaine's crystal ship.

Jumping through dimensions and arriving in the middle of a reactor core, which of course was next to the kitchens.

Trying to Lasso a spider shaped craft, its crushes you.

Bending over to read an inscription on a tetrahedron and stumbling and falling over into eternity.

My favorite though is shouting abuse at a spider guard about his father being eaten by the queen to try and rile him.  Unfortunately this was true and did happen and he beats you to death with a rock. 

Pete's Corner - 

You had me at Pineapple.

Final Thoughts - 

Oh boy.  Where do I start?  Ok lets try a bit of positivity.  I liked the bit about the star system at the start and I liked the twist with L'Bastin at the end.

Well that's the positives out of the way.  For me the worst part is the combat weapon mechanics.  They are just flat out broke.  I can see the concept and idea and have no problem with it but something went horribly wrong here with the execution.  So many of them have the lasers score far too high.  Its almost like someone did not read the rules and thought it was skill so had to be a higher number.  I have never had such a bad playthrough experience because of this.  At least give us some missiles to instant kill.  Looking through the rest of the book it does not let up, and these are not optional, you have to have at least a couple of battles.  I know we have had insane difficulty before but at least its come later in the book, not killed you straight out of the gate.

Oddly though the normal combat is very easy.  All these weird and wonderful creatures but they are not much of a challenge.  So the difficulty is wildly skewed from easy to impossible, not much middle ground. 

At least when you get into a battle with a giant ship you don't have to use the dice.  Instead you have to make a series of impossible decisions!  At first I thought the Starfire encounter appeared as a really cool encounter.  Almost like an X-Wing going up against a star destroyer.  But none of the choices can really be made without guessing.  You are meant to be an experienced agent and this is your ship.  It could easily give you some information on the pros and cons or even risks of each decision.  Instead you get presented with some options with no clues.  One may be right, the other will get you obliterated.  The grand archipelago is worse, as its boring as well.  All the stats mean nothing to me but if we were told up front what you had to do it might have made it more interesting.  I guess people that play flight simulator would like it.  The worst offender of this though is fighting the Deik.  The random choices are just that, random.  There is no way you can know and each one is a complete guess.  That is three major encounters that are out and out guessing.

But the book is littered with guessing.  Even the choice at the start between time and light travel.  No indication giving the advantages of each form.  Its a glorified blind left or right.  But you are meant to be this experienced campaigner so you should know these things!  There is a section where you are in a restricted area with two handles and you have to decide which to pull and in what direction direction.  Again its just pure guesswork.  I am just scraping the top of the barrel, the book is full of a lot more examples like this.  An awful lot.

If that design is not bad enough, be prepared to rely on luck.  Not luck as in the in built game mechanism to test your luck, no instead you will be rolling plenty of dice to see what happens.  Again complete lack of control.  I would say maybe one of these is fine but it keeps repeating over and over again.  For example, roll too low and your ship never gets time fixed and the game ends.

We have come across unfair books before, and even broken books.  For example Crypt of the Sorcerer and the insane finish.  But it had a great story.  Unfortunately the story in Sky Lord is poor.  It starts off well with a really good background section.  But none of it matters!  Nothing you learn there is of any relevance other than meeting a Deik.  It then goes into L'Bastin's story which I found a bit lackluster.  What follows is a series of isolated set pieces which do not really add to the story until you get near the end.  But as I said I did like the end twist.  But I think what does not help the story is the odd writing style.  Its clear that its meant to be funny and not serious (well I guess it is meant to be for kids) but its absurd in places.  But the tonal shifts can be jarring.  All of a sudden we are talking about a horrific torture device.  But my word, the stuff with Woderick and the lisp, the racist jellyfish, the names of characters.  I mean come on, Big Ears and Long Nose, bric and brac!  It is the most childish of attempted comedy and its just not that funny.  Maybe to really young kids I guess, certainly not a jaded 44 year old.  And the Yappies, good lord the dialog with the Yappies.

I have just checked my notes and laughed as one of them was I forgot I had four arms.  So we get a character name and elaborate back story and the fact you have four arms.  It means nothing really.  The only thing from your past is the racist jellyfish know you and call you by your name.

The Mini games were an interesting attempt to make things different, but they were a bit boring.  The one where you had to step on the coloured shapes was like a rubbish spectrum game.  The magic roundabout jousting was better but its so out of place in a sci-fi adventure.  And twice we had magic mcguffins which would just so happen to warp you to the next place you had to get to.

Even the blob space station could have been good if you knew why you were collecting all this equipment.  But any sense of jeopardy is killed when you decide to have a quick game of snooker instead of running for your life.

When on Aarok, the author tries to make it sound large when you are walking around.  But you go one way and you meat Marsatu.  If you go the other way you walk for ages, meet Sam the snail and then Marsatu, did you just walk in a massive circle?!

Credits were a waste of time. I saw one place where you can use buy something and then another where you lose whatever you have left.  

You know how much importance I put on the interior art but I was left disappointed here as it was sub par.  For one I thought the choices of illustrations were wrong, and with the crazy descriptions of some creatures (looking at you Deik) we really needed them.  But I suspect the descriptions were far too wild for Tim and he just went yeah that's impossible you can have one of these instead.  But even the ones we got were no where near what he produced for House of Hell.  Some of the times I had to check as I could not work out which paragraph they were meant to be referencing.  This does seem that the author and illustrator were on different pages here.

L'Bastin was an interesting villain and we certainly get a lot of backstory which I normally like.  But are we really trying to stop him breed super soldiers or is it because he grafted a pineapple to the queens head?  His presence is certainly felt when you get further into Aarok with Sam the Snail but having to work together at the end was a nice unique change to normal Fighting Fantasy.   And I did like Marsatu, even if it was telegraphed that he was a traitor.

I don't mind the Fog Farkin fight to be honest.  Yes it could be labeled the same as the big starfights where you have to make random choices but it did have the feel of the cyclops fight of Seas of Blood and I felt the decisions kind of made sense.  Not that the Fog Farkin itself made any sense.  I do not want to cast undue aspirations but some of this felt like the author was taking some, erm, medicinal inspiration.     

This book is certainly a wild ride.  While mapping it out I was almost relieved I died early.  I can see what Martin Allen was going for and he had a lot of unique ideas.  But the execution is poor.  Everyone is different but the writing style was just not for me, I found it too childlike.  But its compounded by broken mechanics and far too much random guesswork meaning you can't even play it as a gamebook.  I know most of Fighting Fantasy involves a lot of guessing but most of it you can make an educated attempt at it.    

By the way, I could not figure out the message, can anyone help - 

I cant find any more ciphers for it.

But in the end we can be thankful for Sky Lord.  Why you ask?  Well because it killed off the Sci-Fi entries.  And I can see why!  Its lucky it did not kill off the series.  I was always a fantasy person first through so at least I can acknowledge its achievement.  It also made me laugh a lot.  Unfortunately not with it, but at it.

But is this the worst Fighting Fantasy book (at least so far)?

Yes.  

Glad I paid £23 on eBay for it.

Score - 1 out of 10.