Background -
The Puffin executives are assembled. They are all in suits apart from a few who appear to be wearing high ranking military uniforms. They stand in an operations centre behind some thick glass shielding, looking down at the room below.
The room is filled with scientists scurrying about making last minute adjustments at computer terminals and various parts of the large mechanism that dominates the room. It is a portal type structure very much looking like a stargate, except the film has not been made yet so they don't know its a stargate so can not be done for copywrite. The device splutters with sparks and blue lightning.
Ian and Philippa are in the corridor outside, away to enter the room but Ian is clearly agitated.
Ian "You know it's not ready! If this goes wrong it could destroy reality as we know it! The risk is too high!"
Philippa "We need more books Ian! This project is the next closest to completion so we are going for it! We have invested a huge amount into this. The generals will want to see results!"
Ian "We do not need any more books, nobody is completing Crypt of the Sorcerer, its impossible!"
Philippa "That will just delay them. They will just give up and throw it away. No we need fresh content or kids pocket money will go to the next big thing. We can not give them a moment to think!"
Ian "But even at the risk of the very fabric of reality itself?"
Philippa looking bemused as if Ian had said something stupid "Yes, of course."
With that she swipes her card on the security door and enters the room overlooking the stargate.
Philippa "Gentleman (its the mid 80s so it's all old men), welcome to the launch of the Star Strider project. From here we will traverse the expanse of space and pull back what our calculations show is that galaxies greatest gamebook writer."
Suit 1 "Very ambitious Philippa. We have a lot invested this."
Philippa "And you will see that investment rewarded."
Philippa makes a signal for the lead scientist to begin. Ian slowly backs out of the room, intent on getting as far away as quickly as possible.
The stargate whirs into life, loud noises and blue electricity dominate the room. Then a humanoid figure pushes through the liquid centre of the stargate. Everyone stares in awe.
Suit 2 "Are you sure that's someone from another galaxy, he looks just like us?"
Scientists hold up beeping equipment to the bemused looking man. Lots of beeping ensures.
Lead Scientist "Yep these readings confirm, this being is from Messier 83 galaxy. Hello, can you understand us?"
Mystery Being "Yes."
Suit 2 "And he speaks English, of course."
Mystery Being "Where am I?"
Lead Scientist "A planet called Earth in what we call the Milky Way galaxy."
Mystery Being "Why?"
Philippa bursts into the room "To write a great gamebook."
Mystery Being "Really? Well I guess I could do that. Can I go home afterwards?"
Philippa "Sure you can, let me take you to our writing studio. What is your name?"
Mystery Being "Alkis Alkiviades"
Philippa "Yeah, that wont work here, you need a new alias."
She looks him up and down, marveling at the nice looking alien clothes.
Philippa "Looking Sharp there, wait that's it, Luke Sharp. Welcome to Earth."
With that everyone trundles out of the lab congratulating each other. The janitor who is cleaning up some of the mess grumbles.
Janitor "Ok he might be the best gamebook writer of that galaxy, but what happens if everyone else there was rubbish?"
Star Strider was released in May 1987 and is one I have never played before. The Sci-Fi ones never appealed to me but as I have played through these books they were nowhere near as bad as I thought. It's another new author. But when I had a look in You are the Hero, Luke Sharp is actually a gentleman named Alkis Alkiviades. The name was changed as back in the 80s they thought someone with a name like that could not possibly write a gamebook in English. Now I love the 80s but I am very glad thinking like that is more a thing of the past. I always look forward to a new author though and Sci-Fi books normally have interesting extra mechanics.
Covers -
Well if I asked MidJourney to produce an image based on the prompt of a green alien with a glowing electricity sword and a gun, while surfing down a futuristic tunnel, I would not have got anything this good.
It is actually quite an underrated cover when I think about it as it is not one I would normally pick up, but looking at it now it really is quite something. Although I still do not really have any clue to what's going on here. Impressive balance though. I would fall off and impale myself on the laser sword.
Only thing though is that he does look a bit like the Grinch.
I let Midjourney have a go and it was not half bad. The AI revolution is getting closer! But don't worry it can't handle the surf board aspect yet, we are still safe....for now. |
Premise -
First up we get a definition of a Rouge Tracer - A hunter of fugitives, criminals and wanted beings who have a price on their heads. Formally known as bounty hunters. Licensed by the Tracebeam Organisation. Elite Rouge Tracers are known as Star Striders. From the Encyclopedia Galactica.
Ah so what you are saying is I am Boba Fett? Ok this sounds cool so far.
The background section in this book is replaced with a much more thematic mission. It is like you are sitting at a mid 80s computer terminal.
President Xerin of the Galaxy One Federation has been kidnapped by the Gromulans. Wow not just any president but the one from Galaxy One! Not Galaxy 327. He has been taken to Earth in order for him to be brain scanned. The Zand Corporation assures us that his cephaloprotector will hold out for 48 hours. After then the computer defence codes will be compromised and the pesky Gromulans will pass the data onto the Empire of the Purple Flag!
I am the best Rogue Tracer is Sector 6 and currently sit 97th on the galactic money-making table. If I accept I will get my standard rate. I like how they talk about money before the mission.
Anyway the mission if you choose to accept it is to locate the President and get him out. Spacefleet 7 will be hanging about Earth orbit for my signal. Please note that the successful completion of you mission will make you very rich but if you do not accept Tracebeam will stop sending you more work.
Please indicate you acceptance of the mission, and then a Y/N DOS prompt appears.
N
Score 1 out of 10.
Only joking of course we press Y (this is still the mission background so I did not have a choice).
Because we have accepted we get a little more data. The Gromulans are humanoid, hyper-intelligent people of unknown origin that only usually dabble in the much smaller scale, world terrorism. They are Android building experts and masters of illusion. They built the Illus-o-vision 70 (wow that name), for the Galaxy Ents Corporation but they swindled the Gromulans on the copywrite so they have now invented the Illus-o-scope.
The Gromulans will be expecting a rescue attempt so be careful but there are some Androids that are undercover and will help you. But maybe not as the Gromulans are really good at turning Androids to their cause.
Earth is now a small insignificant planet that was once heavily populated but now most of humanity have migrated to Alphacent. Its only source of credits are servicing freight cruisers and mining salt. The Gromulans have been using it as a base since the last centaury.
Alas your Phozon crystal does not work in this solar system so can't pinpoint locations. You will have to signal the fleet once the president is found. The remoteness of Earth and lack of sensors has meant there are a lot of fugitives there, so might be able to do a bit of bounty hunting on the way.
So a little bit of a break here from me just to say what the hell is going on? Some information is repeated, others make no sense as there is not any context and my god, those device names. Makes me feel like this is like one of those terrible early 70s Doctor Who episodes.
Wait, is this actually a comedy?
Next we get a likely enemies section -
Gromulans -
Gromulans would rather surrender than get in a fight. They specialise in deception and can talk the three hind legs of a Wooki. Wait a what?
They have now settled earth despite being nomadic and are developing there Ilussion-o and Android tech. They have an addiction to chess and small earth snails.
Gromulan Androids -
The power base of the Groms. Ok if the book is calling them Groms so am I. Basically stay away from Excel Class, they are very dangerous. All others will be fine (Word, Outlook, PowerPoint etc), but if its Excel class find a weak point. The Groms are very paranoid so have built in weak points just in case. Oh and all Androids can self destruct. Wonderful.
Fugitives and Criminals -
You may meet anyone from a tax dodging Ferian to a Pirate Prince. If they suspect you of being a Rogue Tracer they will run or attack. But you operate within galactic law so can not kill any humans (what about other races?) and if I do I will be a fugitive and hunted down.
Houlgans -
Ok tongue in now firmly in cheek if it was not already. Local feuding gangs who base their fanaticism on a long forgotten religion which revolved around colours of clothes and scarves. They move about in hordes. Do not wear a coloured scarf or they will take offence. Notorious ones include are R'al (Real Madrid, L'Pool (Liverpool) and G'ners (Arsenal who are the Gunners). Juve also get a mention who are pretty much already called that and Stienn, not sure who they are meant to be. Probably a German team.
Illusory monsters and demons -
Groms love this sort of thing. Always remember that an illus-o-scope will be nearby. You WILL be frightened, Grom illusions have been known to make a Brontian take fright and can also be very large scale.
Weapons -
Rogue Tracers do not carry personal arms. No of course they do not, what self respecting galactic bounty hunter would want weapons..... Instead they use the Catchman which was designed by Ulidor Zonie. It shoots out a fine plastic which pretty much makes a net to immobilise your target. Slight problem, the Catchman is very unreliable with a 33% failure rate which seems ridiculously high for a weapon of choice for a Bounty Hunter that is carrying no other weapons! It says we are trained in the use of all weapons, which just makes it even more dumb that I am not using any. 97th on the galactic money maker table, out of how many? 98?
Oh boy, not sure about this one. It seems laced with comedy and satire which I do not mind normally but not sure I want that in a Fighting Fantasy book.
Playthrough -
Ok time to pay attention as when reading through your usual skill, stamina, luck section, at no point does it not say you can not go above your initial scores. Absolutely about time!
No fancy combat mechanics other than if you roll a double 6 against an android you find its weak point and deactivate it. Sounds fun but I can tell you the chances of a double 6 for me in combat are so remote.
We also get a Fear score, works the same as luck and determines how scared you are of the Groms illusions. It does say that the fear score stays the same throughout the mission so it does not reduce each time you test like in other books.
Time is also introduced for the first time since I think Seas of Blood? We start with 48 time units and if it hits zeros you automatically lose as the Groms have extracted what they need from the Presidents brain. Oh my god is this going to be like 24?
I have decided we are trying to save President Palmer. |
Also the adventure sheet is quite futuristic looking with the time counter to be marked down. However there is also an oxygen counter which is a bit worrying. Absolutely no kit or provisions or anything like that. Do I even have the Catchman weapon? Who knows.
Instead there is a box for Clues and another box for Calculations (joy).
Skill - 10
Stamina - 19
Luck - 11
Fear - 12
Well that is pretty average Skill and Stamina, probably what you would expect for the 97th best bounty hunter. I am quite lucky though which is probably why I got this gig. One thing though is that I am not scared of anything! Bring on your crappy illusions Groms for I have balls of steel!
Right lets get going, better not wear my Ab'deen scarf though just in case.
That dude on the left better reign in his look before we have a problem! |
I park my shuttle in the bay and head over to a dirty looking ticket office. Nobody is around so I have to bang on the glass. An out of date Android eventually appears and has trouble understanding me. Eventually it gives me a ticket for the shuttle after I give out my credit card. It says that will do nicely.
I get on the shuttle and there are only five other people on board this twenty seater. I get directed to my seat and given then safety brief. The book tells me I sit on something sticky. Everything sounds very run down and shabby. The steward offers me a cocktail or some food. Can I not have both? Well better not drink on the job so I ask for some food. It is offered as a cube, and gives me 1 stamina and wow we are over the initial stamina!
The shuttle eventually lands in a desolate area of sector 3. The station is very empty, a left over from the days of bigger shuttles. I can head over to the abandoned looking ZipCar stand, follow the rest of the passengers out to the Silverhound public transport. Or go and speak to the android Sweepertron cleaning the place. Well that sounds oddly specific so I go for it.
It just drops its vacuum and walks out a side door and I follow. It hits the code match and I find out he is an informant android. It tells me that the Groms are based in four cities and the Silverhound bus is the only mode of transport to all cities. The ZipCar company (Rocket-a-Hire) has withdrawn services due to a lack of demand. All high level Groms are linked to all the bases using ComTerms, try and get access to one of the terminals. Then he just blows himself up!
Woah there dude! What are you doing? Just keep working undercover! No need to immolate yourself! |
Bit wild that. Time to get on the bus.
Greyhound busses have come a long way. |
All the passengers from the shuttle are on board. Listening in to their conversation they are sales reps for salt mining equipment. I fall asleep watching Galactic Ent adverts. At this point I wonder if they are Ents like Treebeard in Lord of the Rings but futuristic. Really need an illustration of these guys! My power nap cost me 2 time units. I wake up as the bus is pulled over by the local GromPol androids. When they check my ID and that I am a Rouge Tracer they escort me of the bus. I can make a run for it or follow them. Well I have done nothing wrong so I go with them.
They take me into their craft and the Grom commander asks who am I tracing. Do I remain silent or give him a name. Erm I do not have a name so I remain silent. In good news apparently this is ok as Rogue Tracers never give out names. Well being the 97th best Rogue Tracer you would think I would already know that, or I don't know, have it mentioned in the background.
The commander reacts as you would expect.
Erm wait a minute. This is an illusion yeah, yeah? |
Its clearly an illusion and it does not scare me so I get back on the bus. How very odd. Another two time units are used as I watch someone else watching a Galactic Ents Soap. Which honestly sounds more fun at this stage.
A map! With very straight lines.... |
Most services have been cancelled due to lack of interest so it looks like all we have is a straight line from Madrid, to Rome, to Paris to London. And then back again. Seems quite sparse, almost like a limitation of being in a gamebook. Two more time units used up. As I am checking this out an Android comes over and signals the CodeMatch pulse! Remember though some Androids are turned. The other Android did not approach me, I had to go to him so I am very suss. Lets follow him first.
Ah very pretty. |
Erm hello? |
And then she shuts the door to her sleep unit and I do the same. Gain 6 stamina points. I am now sitting at a record 28 stamina points. In the morning I can follow her or hurry on for my search. Not really much info of what hurry on a search means so I decide to be a creepy stalker.
Turns out Gino's is in a really bad part of town. |
By help, they mean take me to a used car salesmen. |
And then look up to see a real craft shooting to kill. |
Do I want to dive into a salt trench or run for the car? Well I imagine if I go for the car its going to be blown up and I think I need it so I go into the Salt trench. Turns out the walls are not solid and I kick one down and find a conveyer belt full of salt heading back to Roma, so I sit down and go back to the city via the conveyer belt. Not what I expected. Add to stamina for good measure, now up to a ludicrous 30.
The bus then gets attacked! |
He is just trying to move some boxes! |
Cowboy Beebop! |
Androids in Madrid love a bull fight. |
The final act is the London Underground. |
So the big finale is a riding a hoverboard through the ruins of the London underground. Just as well you have the coordinates (hopefully) as wrong turn will probably lead to your death. It sounds cool but its a bit frustrating. And then...
There is a Jungle in the underground. |
The galactic rescue fleet is probably my favorite. But you only see this in an instant death scene which is a waste. |
A vital scrap of paper on this cool dead Android. |
A dragon going after a flying space transport. Pretty Cool. |
In the warehouse of meh. |
Fake clues. |
Unnamed Grom technician, the big bad of Star Strider. |
There are some cat people from Wiskas-4.... |
Grompol..... Freeze Punk! |
The Lurgan is lurking around the highways. I mean he could have been anything but he just looks like a bog standard human. |
You can briefly fall into star wars to fight this dude. Guess what his fancy sci-fi name is. Yeah he is just called a warrior. |
You don't fight many Groms, they just try and scare you with terrible illusions. |
Happy New Year! And wow, this does seem amazingly terribad. Loved the cover though. With the Catchman, if you had to roll 5+ on 1d6 for it to succeed, it means it has a 33% success rate rather than a 33% failure rate. Dreadful. And that bit at the end where it's just "get lucky and pick the right exit or game over" is always kinda eh with me.
ReplyDeleteThe Catchman was an interestingly unreliable choice for the galaxies rouge tracers. Must have a great marketing department!
DeleteI think based on how Julio and the Houlgans react to you, you are meant to be human.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I actually find this one quite fun. There's way too many arbitrary deaths but there's loads of paths to explore. I also find the little moments like getting the old lady chucked off the bus quite funny. In general, I like what an utter shithole Earth is.
The biggest issue I have with it is it's pointless looking for co-ordinates in Madrid or Roma as all the information you can find there and more is in Paris.
Rather endearingly in my copy, the previous owner wrote 'Y' when it asked whether they accepted the mission.
I loved that - recording Y for later owners to see!
DeleteYou are a better man than me Kieran! Well done on enjoying this one. I will give you for sure that was funny having the old lady kicked off. There is a clear commentary on how shite Earth is in general.
DeleteBut yeah you could just sit in the bus and the bus station until you get to Paris.
N in mine now
Delete'Bland' is probably the word I would use to describe this book too. I appreciated the humour , but it just didn't quite work for me and playing it felt like a chore. I am glad to see Kieran's comment though and to see that some people enjoy it - maybe the sci-fi setting doesn't get me excited in general.
ReplyDeleteMy local football team is Portsmouth, so would probably be something like Poor-moth. We tend to start the season really well and then crash midway through. So the religion would probably have followers who are confident and strong every morning, but injured and falling to pieces by the late afternoon.
Its hard to not also write a blog that comes off as bland with this content, normally these are fun to do but chore was a great way to describe it. You will always have the 2008 FA Cup final though!
DeleteAll best for 2024! I have to agree with you on this one - there's not much good to be said for it, and the same is unfortunately true of its writer. I can put up with the lame humour and the endless maths, and even that stupid Tube maze, but all his paragraphs seem to follow the exact same formula: one-sentence description of setting; 'suddenly' something happens; some stuff occurs that doesn't make any difference to anything; all capped off with that most thrilling of choices...left? or right? Rinse, repeat...ad infinitum, ad nauseum, ad tedium. He should have called himself Dull rather than Sharp.
ReplyDeleteI think you have summed that up pretty well Ben. And the dull rather than sharp was wittier than anything in the book!
DeleteAt least you've got a couple of belters coming up, and with two of FF's finest artists behind the pens too. Of course, Luke Dull will be back to spoil the party before long, but you can't have everything, I guess.
DeleteIve been looking forward to the next two, Midnight was my favorite as a kid.
DeleteMine too! I'll hold off any fanboyish raving until your write-up, though, in case it turns out not to hold up to adult scrutiny.
Delete