Beneath Nightmare Castle

Its the 1986 Christmas party at Puffin HQ.  Everybody is having a great time when Philippa gets up on the stage and starts to tap a spoon on the side of a wine glass.  The high pitched chimes ring through the room and the gradual murmur and hubbub dies down to silence.

Philippa "As you all know we have had another great year with Fighting Fantasy, you should all be very proud.  But we can not rest on our laurels, we must change with the times or else we risk going stagnant."

She turns to address Ian.

Philippa "Ian, I made you a promise.  If Steve did another fantasy book he could keep his name on the cover.  Well what do you think about this?"

She then pulls a cord which causes a black curtain to fall away revealing a giant version of the Dragon Steve Jackson and Ian Livingston presents logo."

Philippa "This will be proudly front and centre on all our books going forward!"

Ian starts sobbing as sycophants pat his back and congratulate him.

Nobody can really here the grumbling coming from the other authors as they mumble under their breath at the unfairness of it all.

Or the random comment of "But I liked the green zigzag...."

Later in the night Philippa pulls Ian aside.  

Philippa "Look this is all great and everything but it wont work unless we get more books.  You let Steve go yes?"

Ian "Yes, I released him back into the wilds, he is lost to us now."

Philippa "Some of the secret projects are still not ready, have you got any ideas on what we can do in the new year?"

Ian "Actually I do know someone, used to work at Games Workshop with me.  I could ask him."

Philippa "Why have you not asked him before?"

Ian "Well.....he is a bit unusual."

Fast forward to the new year of 1987.  Its a cold stormy night.  Ian makes his way up a path covered in weeds.  He reaches a metal gate with the emblazoned initials of PDE.  Not much can be seen in the pitch black of night but a stray flash of lighting briefly illuminates the scene, showing a massive castle straight out of a Hammer Horror movie.  Ian opens the gate which screeches loudly on the hinges as he makes his way into the grounds.

The scene changes to a warmly lit study, a fireplace is flickering away as two men sit in highbacked chairs facing it.  A table is between them with a decanter of alcohol and two glasses. Ian is one of them.

Ian "So you will do it?"

Peter Darvil-Evans "Yes I dare say I can."

Ian "Have you got an idea in mind."

Peter Darvil-Evans "Oh yes, but do not worry yourself with such trivial details Ian my friend, I will have the manuscript to you by the end of this month."

Ian looking a bit more nervous "And the matter of payment?"

The view of the scene changes to look directly at Peter, his tongue licks over his long fanged teeth.  He has a deathly white complexion and dresses like a 17th centaury noble.  

Peter Darvil-Evans "Just the usual Ian my dear boy.  The fairest lad and lady of age from the village down yonder."

Beneath Nightmare Castle came out in February 1987 and has a couple of firsts.  It was the first book to be released without the green zigzag version and I believe the debut of the dragon.  Its also the debut of a new author, Peter Darvil-Evans.  I am always excited by a new name as they tend to always bring something different.  Plus a new illustrator, Dave Evans, I remember seeing this one when I was a kid, I think my mate had it but I myself have never played it before so going in completely blind.

Covers - 

Well I say covers, there has only ever been this cover for Beneath Nightmare Castle.  Not much to actually say about it.  I do really like the moonlit background and the shadow of what I assume is the titular castle in the background.  The lady looks scary enough with her armour and long jabby fingernails.  The most terrifying thing though is her terrible fringe haircut.  In good news the long spiky fingernails did not hamper her ability to do her eyeshadow.

Premise - 

I am a skilled and hardy adventurer but my last escapade was not very successful (you are telling me, I am dead in the mines of Zharradan Marr) and I have no food and little coin.  I am so looking forward to visiting my old comrade in arms, Baron Tholdur, that I walk straight into a trap.  You see we start this adventure dangling in a net from a tree. slowly spinning around.  

You see I sound like I am not very good adventurer (very realistic as my previous adventures will testify to) and was so looking forward to a soft and warm bed that when I saw the town of Neuburg I got all excited and missed the suspect rustling bush, the strange bird call and the big net trap in a tree and blundered straight into it.

My pal the Baron is the Margrave of Neuburg Keep and we fought together at the Battle of Helm Hill to defeat the southerners.  The same southerners who have just captured me.  They hit me in the back of the head and I lose consciousness.

Very short and sweet, which is quite a change from the short story intro of Creature of Havoc.

Playthrough - 

As well as the usual Skill, Stamina and Luck we have a new stat to roll for.  It is called Willpower which acts identically to luck in that you have to test against it.  Except if you fail a willpower test when its sitting at 5 or less it is an instant fail.  So, it is representing your ability to stay sane with all the horrors you will witness so pretty much the same mechanic as Fear in House of Hell.  I do like it as it will force you to think really carefully before doing something.  Is this was an Ian Livingston book I would be opening every door possible knowing that I had to.

One thing I have noticed reading the instructions is that if you do have food or provisions you may only eat one meal at a time, even if you have more.  This is quite a good way to stop the ridiculous situation of eating 5 meals at once to restore your stamina, when we all know eating 5 meals at once will reduce your stamina and put you in a food coma.  Although it could lead to just eating in multiple paragraphs.

We start with hew-haw.  It says you trudge down from the hills with only your sword, armour, backpack, no food and little money.  The fact you also start captured as well might make this the most despondent start position ever.  

Skill - 10

Stamina - 19 

Luck - 11

Willpower - 12

Oh wow a max roll for Willpower, throw all the crazy horror stuff at me that you can, ill just laugh it off.  Also pretty lucky and average Skill and Stamina so I will take that.

Interestingly no first page illustration, do not agree with that as I like how it sets the mood.  Anyway, I wake up with a sore head.  In fact it says I feel like a persistent Dwarf blacksmith is using my head for an anvil.  Yep that sounds familiar.  My hands and feet are bound and I am blindfolded.  After some time passes I hear a voice whisper "My friend!  Hush! Say Nothing!  I have a sharp knife, but I dare not stay long.  I cannot enter through this small space, you must pull yourself a little to your right and I will sever your bonds, Hurry!"

Do I shuffle nearer or ignore it.  I decide to shuffle near but I swear if I just get stabbed and its game over....

Luckily It does appear I made the right choice and I am released and in a dark cellar with no sign of my rescuer.  Should I escape up the staircase or search the cellar?  Well I should look for my weapon but I doubt its in here with me so lets try and get out of dodge quickly.  

I appear in a circular stone room.  No guards are around and lo and behold there is all my stuff!  Looking through the slit window I realise I am in a ground floor room of Neuburgs East Gate.  The street is lit up by a red night sky and is very peaceful, but too peaceful.  In fact something is clearly wrong as it is silent, no sign of any of the normal town life.  I have to break down the solid oak door and expecting some test I am surprised that the book asks me to add my Skill and Stamina together (29) and roll a dice 8 (yes eight) times.  

I roll 21 and the door burst open and I decide to leg it into the evening towards the Southern Star Tavern (no choice just told that's where I head) as I remember it as being a nice friendly place in a great location in the market square.

As I make my way through the streets the few people I see are barring doors and shuttering windows.  I have to bang at the door with my sword to get into the Inn.  Good news though, getting a room is easy as I am the only guest.  I decide to speak to the Innkeeper but do I let on I know the baron or not?

I decide that these people are clearly living under oppression, not something my mate the Baron would be doing so something has clearly happened to him.  So I tell my new friend that I am tight with the Baron from back in the day.  He is clearly impressed and cracks out the best booze for me, before stopping mid pour and saying wait a minute how do I know you are telling the truth.  I show him the fancy ring the Baron once gave me which I have just discovered I have on my person (should have been in the equipment list).

The innkeeper turns grave and tells my a tale of the Baron returning from his last trip south in the company of strange swordsman.  They treat the town as their own and now people are going missing and things are roaming the streets at night.  He begs my help of saving the town and his advice is do not under any circumstances go out at night, do not even open the shutters and tomorrow I should find Old Huw at the ruined temple of Oiden.  With that he takes me up to my room for the night.

I give the room a quick search but it checks out.  My character then  completely ignores all advice and opens the shutters!  I get the option to jump down and explore the town or head to the keep.  Hmm no thanks, I trust the innkeeper so I decide to have a good nights sleep.  I mean come on the only build up to this book was how much my dude wanted a bed!

I am woken up during the night by an appalling yelping right by my window.  But it buggers off and I am able to get back to sleep ok.

The next day I get a meal from the Innkeepers wife which restores some stamina but I have not lost any.  After paying for the night I have 5 gold left.   I head out into the grey drizzle and can explore the town or head to the keep.  Well I want to find Old Huw so I head into the town.

I found a map!

I like the flavour of this map.  Well Old Huw is in a ruined Temple so I head to the Temple quarter.  

Erm, interesting sculpting from the people of Neuberg.

I have a wander through the area but as I go further along the temples get older and in worse condition.  I come to the last one and apparently despair of finding anything useful and get the option to turn back.  Nope this is exactly where I should be.  

Right enough its Old Huw who beckons me inside as he says enemies are approaching.  I am told his voice sounds familiar.  Well only person I know is the Baron so maybe its him.

Ah no he is the guy that freed me at the start.  He thinks I am the hero Oiden has prophesied that will save Neuberg but to do this I must first donate something that links me to the town.  So the ring then.  I am told its my most prized possession and get other options to say no or even attack Huw himself.  Well a couple of pages ago I had no idea I had it so I decide to donate.  

Huw is delighted and gives me a meal, still not needed, but then he gives me some advice.  So Huw is really old and helped build the temple which is in fact constructed to hold back the spirit of the evil Xakhaz.  The seals are still in place but the the Keep was also built for the same purpose.  Since the Baron came back with a wizard nobody knew he fears the worst, that Xakhaz has regained physical form.  

But all is not lost, Xakhaz is still vulnerable and you need the Talisman of Loth.  Of course though it has gone missing.  Cernic, the other priest went to the keep last week but has not been seen since.  He is adamant that I should not go to the lower levels until I have the talisman.  Also do not enter by the main gate as it is heavily guarded.  Instead take the side entrance to the right of the main gate.  Now he can give me more info but I must go through the Ordeal first.  Erm ok then...I guess.

So the ordeal is to climb a magic leafless tree, which is very, very tall.  Combine stamina and willpower together (31) then roll eight dice again.  Its close and I roll 29.  I make it to the top of the tree and I get the blessing.  Which is to increase my initial stamina and willpower by 1!

Now Huw sends me on my way, saying somewhere in the town is a fragment of a once potent weapon.  Its probably buried with a curio dealer.  He says avoid the merchants, they are thieves and the riverside as its an unsavoury place.

So I can now visit either of those locations or go to the keep.  I am not sure if I want to risk either area, the weapon probably gives a skill boost but I am happy with a Skill 10.  The issue is finding the Talisman in the keep so I head there.

I go up the path and everyone I see avoids my look and shake their head like I am a madman.  I find an overgrown path that leads to the right of the main entrance so I follow Huws advice and go that way.  I find myself in an overgrown kitchen garden.  There is a gravel path around the side, do you go left or right.  Dammit PDV, that is as bad as a blind T-junction choice!

Always left.  I can keep following the perimeter path or enter a tower by a hole in its wall or head into the centre of the garden.  I am happy to follow the path I am on.  I find a staircase and head up.

I appear in the inner bailey of the castle but can see no obvious way into the keep itself.  Before following the one path I decide to have a rest.  I then get asked if I have a blood lurcher tentacle?  Erm, no I do not.

I think I have made a mistake as I have arrived back at the main entrance to the keep,  Do I want to bang on the door or try and break in.  I am going to try and sneak in.  I do some parkour and swing myself through a window into a small room.  I can go through the opposite door or unbar a locked door and go that way.  Well must be locked for a reason so lets go there.  

I follow a tunnel for a while before I find another staircase going down into the dark, I can take it or stay in the tunnel.  Well I am not going downwards if I can help it until I have the Talisman so I stay in the corridor.  I come to a torture chamber where a man and a women are being held captive.  I get the option on which one to release first.  Well has to be the woman.  

She smiles at me and then of course her mouth keeps opening and a bunch of tentacles come out of the mouth.  I have to take my first willpower test.  I get asked if I have the Talisman of Loth.  Oh dear, maybe it was in the town.  I do not but I am in my first combat of the book.  She is only skill 4 though.  She does not hit me and when I win I flee the room and lock it behind me.

Apparently it is a disease but I pass a luck test and have not caught it.  The way I am going reaches a staircase and this time I have no choice but to head down into the darkness.

I arrive at a T-junction but this one has a well described choice.  One side I see open doors and a lit room which from a distance appears to be food and the other has closed doors with two guards.  Its Nightmare Castle, its not going to be food.  But going straight towards guards is not the smartest idea so I go towards the open room.

Of course the passageway behind me is engulfed in flame.  But I press on and reach the banquet room.  The room is described as being inside a tent.  I can either inspect the food (no thanks) or go back and try and get through the flame (no thanks).  The food is clearly a trap and I still have max stamina so I head back towards the flames.  

Do you want to take a run and a jump or take it slow.  Why would I want to take it slow?  Sounds daft, so daft that its clearly the right answer.  The fire is indeed an illusion as the fire does not give off any heat.  So I calmly walk through it..... and get killed by falling in a pit trap on the other side.

Notable Encounters - 

Well no matter what you think of this book it certainly has notable encounters that's for sure.  One of the first that comes to mind is when you are in the merchants quarter and you are a victim of a cut purse.  She is described as being nine years old and desperate and you fight a round of combat with her before she runs off.  Not too bad so far until you end up in an alley.

Erm Hey Kids, how about you put down the sharp objects, might hurt someone....oh GAWD

Yep a bunch of murderous urchins (books name not mine) appear and there is no talking your way out of it.  You have to kill two waves of them as well, six in total.  If it was not bad enough that you have just killed starving kids you then loot their bodies automatically for 3 gold.  Amazingly this does not trigger a Willpower test!  

You can also get involved in an abusive relationship. 

This Gnomes life is as miserable as his face implies. 

This poor dude gets shouted at by the female Orc chef in the kitchens and then shouted at more by the Orc guard he has to deliver it to.  You could of course just kill him and put him out of his misery and take out the chef as well.  Just dont then go into the kitchen, its instant death.  You can have fun though poisoning the meal and then delivering it to the orc guard to eat.

There is also a magic painting in the lovely waiting area that you can jump into.  But you have to pick where to jump into.  If you go to the lovely view of Neuberg it turns out its a view from the battlements, well more accurately a cage on the battlements that you are trapped in.  Its a long death.  Or you accidently go to a desert city and end up going to a temple with a bunch of worshippers.  You do bump into one of the Barons guards who tells you that you are very likely to be sacrificed as you are an outsider.   There is a correct one though which warps you like Mario to a later stage.

The gardener is handy if you can find  him.

The Dwarf gardener has barricaded himself in one of the towers.  You can of course just kill him but if you come in peace he can give you some hints and help.  Even better if you share food with him he will introduce a secret passage.  However if you do kill him you can take his rune axe, Bokhorbhil.  This is a great weapon but it makes you murderous and you always have to take the combat option and can't escape.  However if you have already killed the Dwarf chances are you are already murderous and this will fit your plays style.  Good little roleplaying encounter this though. 

The lady from the cover, her eye shadow is not so good here.

You find the spiked maiden incarcerated in the dungeon.  The advice in the jailers room is to wear ear plugs, but this is a good double bluff.  As if you do you do not get to hear her tell you she is the Barons daughter and she has been put in this armour and has no control of it as she attacks you.  If you kill her you get a cruel message of you find out later who she is and the Baron is understanding but upset.  Clever.

This women is a bad egg.

Acting almost like a sub boss, the wizard Senyakhaz is a master illusionist.  She appears more than the big bad as she is the one that has drugged your friend the Baron and is pulling all the strings to help her master.  You can encounter her in a variety of ways but she does like to be in disguise and trick you into having a rest.  Spoiler, do not have a rest.  If you do reveal her though she will attempt an escape through a magic mirror that acts as a portal.  If she gets away you get a sub optimal ending where you are told you free the Baron from her control and the people of Neuberg are very grateful, but all you have done is delay the inevitable destruction of Neuberg.

Also this book loves gory and descriptive encounters, but only one really got me  -

Thats not something I was expecting to be in the wine......

Artwork - 

We have another new artist for Beneath Nightmare Castle, Dave Carson.  Its his one and only go from what I can see and if I am honest I can see why.  The illustrations are very important for me as they bring the book alive but this has to be the worst art since Starship Traveller.  Its totally devalues the horror aspect of the book.  But I also understand you are very limited in a children's book but the quality is just poor.

They are not all awful though as I do love the heads in the barrel above, and I do like the blood Lurcher.

Ill give the background a pass since its at night.

But it is a really good interpretation of the text, by far the best.  Also the old goblin curio seller is ok.

Not sure whats going on with tv static background though.

This scene with the Baron looks good as well, reminds me of Grima Wormtounge in Lord of the Rings.  Except she uses drugged wine to control the Baron. 

But I don't know, something just is not clicking with me for the art.  Higher standards have been set now in Fighting Fantasy.  The one illustration I found in my playthrough of the temple is bland and odd.  The Gnome, Dwarf, Barons daughter all look off.  Especially the Dwarf and his proportions.  Senyakhaz should also look far more epic, instead its like a portrait you see in castles.

These are meant to be illusions of an identical Senyakhaz, not sure whats with the random white circle behind them. 

 

A death scene with some rocks being thrown at you from the top of the tower.

Oh exciting, some weapons.

The priest, Cernic, with the Talisman you need looks more freaky than some of the Eldritch Horror monsters!

The Bakk-Ruman is described as having a human type head.  Not sure how many humans have heads like that.

In a trivia note there was an illustration for the women with the tentacle mouth that I met in my playthrough but Puffin cut it out - 

Okay yeah this would have been awesome but I can see why it was cut.

Big Bad - 

Xakhas is well.. wow!

To be fair good job with this artwork based on the descriptions in the text.  It gives me early Warhammer chaos spawn vibes.  Anyway back to Xakhas himself.  We do get a good bit of background on him from Huw, he was an archmage of the evil gods of the southerners of Zagoula and during the wars to drive the southerners out there was a secret war between the priests of Oiden and Xakhas.  When his body was defeated his spirit was sealed under the earth and the Temple and the Keep raised to protect it.  In the intervening years in limbo it appears he has gone a bit mad and seems intent on experimentation and is responsible for all the crazy monsters, limbs and diseases going about.  He has the crazed mad scientist vibe with absolutely no morals at all.  He would get on well with the Witches of Dree.  

I do like that you have multiple paths to success against him.  Just default Xakhas is Skill 14 and Stamina 32 but you can pick up weapons to aid you in the fight, either reducing him down to Skill 9 or even just instant killing him with a good throw of the green orb grenade.  If you do defeat him he has a small metal box in his head which you pass to Huw for safe keeping.  Apparently its his spirit.

Menagerie - 

Well to say Peter Darvil-Evans came up with some new and unique monsters for Fighting Fantasy would be an understatement.  The southerners are the initial bad guys as they are prowling about the town and they are painted very much as sinister and evil, but mainly as they are different.

There Snuffhounds sound much more scary in the description than this picture.

 

Dwarf bullies.

But look at how they are portrayed, cloaked and Arab like.  Now I have to remember the world was very different in 1987 and things should be judged in their time but it has not aged well.  It might be because of the conflict in Gaza going on as I write this thats made me notice.  It might not be that but its what I am seeing.

Lets have a more fun look though at the utter madness that you come up against.  I must say though that my favourite are the Blood Lurchers.  The Bakk-Ruman sounds good on paper if its illustration could have matched better.

The Charabats are undead zombie frogmen.  Because why not.

 

The Vlodblad, not the comfy chair it first appears to be.

He also has a fun mechanic where he starts with skill 3 but every time you fail to wound him in a combat he grows more limbs and it gains +2 skill.

Griltig is a Hobgoblin jailer who has a peg leg.  

A mottled Kraken, he has seen better days  Believe it or not thats meant to be water..

The Vitriol Essence does not like you disturbing his pool.  Captured here just before his genitals appear.

Not to mention all the others that dont have a picture like the Crate of Limbs.  Even stock guys like an Orc or the Ogre come with a twist as the Ogre is wearing a turban with a monster inside it controlling him.

Special shout out to Skarlos though - 

Look at all that light.

Except when you point out he is not Skarlos, as you may or may not have his trident.  But thats definitely not a trident he is holding anyway.  If you call him out on his bull he turns out to be - 

If you guessed a giant mutant slug award yourself 1 point.

Entertaining Deaths - 

I am sorry people but there are so many I had to truncate it, but with 49 instant death paragraphs the choices were overwhelming.

Not accepting help to free you in the cellar, you get sacrificed slowly and painfully in your third paragraph.

Looking about in the cellar, you get chased around and captured and then sacrificed slowly and painfully in your fourth paragraph.

Getting caught stealing a pie and getting into a fight with an angry grocer, you get tried and executed as a common criminal the same day.

Taking a blood lurcher tentacle, which eats your food in the pack and turns into a kiss of death protoplasm and attaches to your head next time you look in your pack for provisions.  You run about mewling until it drains you of blood, leaving you as a husk.

Being captured by the guards who feed you well but every night tie you down at the base of a tower as the guards take turns throwing boulders at your head from the top, one eventually hits you.

Trying on an Ogres turban, it has a brain defiler in it and it takes control of your body.

Stepping into a tapestry and ending up in a temple in Dolod in the Southlands.

Using the Talisman near a mirror and burning your brain and melting your eyes and leaving the word LOTH burned into your forehead.

Going through a magic mirror and ending up in a completely different dimension. 

My favourite though is not one of the many many gruesome deaths but instead - 

Drinking some magic fertilizer and turning into a tree and living for hundreds of years.

Pete's Corner - 

Accept the help from the voice in the cellar.

Final Thoughts - 

I think I can best describe Beneath Nightmare Castle as a mixed bag.  The things it does well, it does really well.  The parts I do not like, I really did not like.

Lets start with a positive, the atmosphere.  I do not mean though when you are in the castle which is creepy but the town of Neuberg.  I really enjoyed the feeling of the town and the danger after dark.  Something is clearly not right and I really enjoy the writing around this piece.  

Also instead of a story at the start, you get the story unravelling during the adventure.  And it is a very good story, its a shame some people will miss it as you are only going to get it if you play multiple times as you can beat the book multiple ways which means you could miss info dumps.  I do not count that as a negative though as I love multiple paths to victory.  Do not get me wrong some are much harder than others but it does allow you to have a chance (a very small chance) with low stats.

The Menagerie is fantastic, what a selection of random monsters that we have not see before, all very Cthulhu like.  But for some reason they are all pretty weak.  The southerners for example are terrible fighters, I dont know how they took over Neuberg as the homicidal children could give some of them a run for their money.  

But this is just as well as PDE kills you through choices.  Far too many times you are doomed just for a simple choice.  Having instant deaths so early in the book is a bit daft.  The very first choice in paragraph 1 is a 50/50 death chance.  I mean its kind of obvious but if you have been burnt in other Fighting Fantasy books its not that obvious.  Also the bit where I died was complete overkill.  I was right, the banquet was a trap as its a giant monster, instant death.  If I had jumped instead of walked, luck test or instant death, my choice of walking was instant death, going towards the guards would have led me to dying as I did not have the trident.  I had one shot, go down that passage, go back and wait, win fights, dress up as guard, dont wait and sneak in.  Sounds simple but each decision point came with multiple others that would have killed me.  Felt a bit much.

I also did not enjoy the keep, I found the writing of directions a bit too hard to follow and found it easy to get lost, even when I was trying to map it out.  I would have much preferred going around the upper levels before working your way down, it felt that everything was below ground.  And yes I do not know what else I expected from a book thats entitled Beneath Nightmare Castle, clue was in the name.

Mechanics wise, Willpower was a good introduction, mainly because it opened up a whole new world of horrible deaths if it ever snapped.  This one does need to be a good roll to make it through and is slightly better than the fear mechanic precisely for some of the descriptions on how your mind breaks.  I also liked all the different weapons such as the Dwarfs rune axe forcing you to attack or other ones where more skill cost stamina or sacrifice skill for wounding four stamina per hit.  And of course the Trident but getting that is very difficult and not going to happen unless you have multiple play throughs.  Rolling all the dice for the tests was a fun change as well but also a bit time consuming unless you can chuck loads of dice at once.  Do not try with cats around.

Also the various sub characters you meet have a bit of flesh (not tentacles) on them which is great.  I like the Dwarf gardener and having a sub boss like Senyakhaz adds more flavour.

All this sounds great right?  Well I do not know what it is but after I got into the keep it just does not seem to work for me.  The story is good, the writing is fine and the big bad is suitably vile but I do find a lot of the art abysmal and it might be what was taking me out of it.  

When I had done all my notes, I had an idea in mind but as I am typing it out I realise I probably liked it more that I thought.  Still somethings just not quite clicking for me.

Neuberg Keep Feast Hall after the defeat of Xakhas - 

Baron Tholdur "Thank you once again for saving me and the realm, forget a nice ring, I am going to name you my heir!"

Me "Wow thanks, erm what about your daughter?"

Baron Tholdur "That was me that put her in there, she was wearing that armour long before Senyakhaz came along."

Me "Wow, so I will be a Baron!"

Baron Tholdur "No I am Baron, you will be Marquis of Neuberg Keep."

Me "Oh wow so your a Marquis, all there years I thought you were a Baron."

Baron Tholdur "I am Baron."

Me "Yeah so Baron is your first name and your a Marquis?"

Baron Tholdur "No I am Baron Tholdur, Marquis of Neuberg Keep."

Me "So are you the Baron or the Marquis?

Baron Tholdur "I am the Marquis of Neuberg Keep, Baron Tholdur."

Me "Sigh, maybe have some of this wine Senyakhaz left behind."

Score - 5 out of 10.